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We have a mixture of people from different cultures and ethnic groups in a country. why? Is this a positive or negative development

We have a mixture of people from different cultures and ethnic groups in a country. why? Is this a positive or negative development W5V0K
I definitely agree with the statement that Cosmopolitan societies are the norm of the day. I believe it is a largely positive development although there is a downside to it as well. Apparently, a multicultural society can bring a wide variety of benefits to the nation in terms of economic, culture and social development. To begin with, the majority of immigrants from different cultural backgrounds are high achievers including expert scholars, engineers, business people and other well-trained people. Their arrivals mean in flow of expertise and experience investments as well as dynamic labour force, which for all key factor to the increase of competitiveness, efficiency and productivity of the nation's economy. Whatis more, the new arrivals know very well the importance of respecting the local traditions and customs. Therefore, they corporate and collaborate well with the natives. They work very harmoniously side by side in offices, factories and schools. In addition, with their rich blend of peoples cultures and lifestyles people in a multicultural societies tend to be more open-minded and tolerant of other people's custom and religious. However, multi-societies also have some problem sometime people from overseas will try to maintain their unique ethnic cultures with their on distinctive characteristics. These differenences is may seem trivial, but they can cause some conflicts that make it difficult for immigrants to become assimilated into the mainstream of local social life. But multicultural societies are used based on equality and diversity, so these problems can be dealt with successfully. To recapitulate, after but I have discussed, the advantages of people of multicultural and multi ethnic backgrounds a living together for outweigh the disadvantages. That is the reason so many countries make great effort to attract more immigrants from abroad.
I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that Cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are the norm of the day. I believe it is a
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development although there is a downside to it as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Apparently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can bring a wide variety of benefits to the nation in terms of economic, culture and social development. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the majority of immigrants from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural backgrounds are high achievers including expert scholars, engineers, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and other well-trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Their arrivals mean in flow of expertise and experience investments as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as dynamic
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force, which for all key factor to the increase of competitiveness, efficiency and productivity of the nation's economy.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatis
more, the new arrivals know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
the importance of respecting the local traditions and customs.
Therefore
, they corporate and collaborate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
with the natives. They work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmoniously
side by side in offices, factories and schools.
In addition
, with their rich blend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
cultures and lifestyles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "society"?
societies
tend to be more open-minded and tolerant of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's custom and religious.

However
, multi-societies
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from overseas will try to maintain their unique ethnic cultures with their on distinctive characteristics. These
Possible spelling mistake found.
differenences
is may seem trivial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflicts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for immigrants to become assimilated into the mainstream of local social life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
based on equality and diversity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these problems can
be dealt
with
successfully
. To recapitulate, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have discussed, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
multi ethnic
backgrounds a living together for outweigh the disadvantages.
That is
the reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great effort to attract more immigrants from abroad.
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IELTS essay We have a mixture of people from different cultures and ethnic groups in a country. why? Is this a positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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