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We cannot help everyone in the world who needs a help so we should concern only own need. To what extend you agree or disagree.

We cannot help everyone in the world who needs a help so we should concern only own need. GJWwL
It is often argued that the people cannot help every person or every nation that lack for support, so it is better for them to concentrate on only their own societies and countries. Although I agree that humans should care about themselves at the first place, I think that relieving the ones who indeed in need is also one matter of individuals' existence in the world. On the one hand, We cannot have a power or opportunity to present an aid to satisfy everyone in the world. Firstly, we have personal life, and to hold this mini world alive we are demanded moral and financial attentions. In order to be with our close people and to structure the future of our young generation, we-adults should concentrate only on our lifestyles without any distractions from the sides. Besides, every person is born with appropriate talent and using it everyone should fight to better their lives and conditions. It means, each man is the owner of own existence and they will deside whether to suffer or struggle against difficulties and reach their dream life. Furthermore, there is no any written or oral rule that nations should care about each one, and instead of solving privet issues they cannot think about another communities' and countries' problems. So, each individual should select own territory than spending time to others life. On the other hand, there is a notion of a manner that subsists in evryones' heart. That is, most people clearly understand the meaning of the epigraph " Life is boomerang" and putting themselves on the place of indigent people quickly run for a help. Moreover, according to psychologists research, when someone presents a support feels themselves as happy as the one who has received it. Psychologists say: " To get euphoric position of life people should follow the giving rule, as, they should handsel what they wish or appreciate. To illustrate, let's remember the tale of Brother Grimms about animals, where rabbit presents his favourite food to his friend, and his friend to the another frend, and at the end that carrot cones back to him. So we will receive what we give and to access positive feelings we should help others more. To sum up I agree that humanity should think about themselves only, while, showing assistance to others' hard times may return us when we face with same conditions
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
every person or every nation that lack for support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better for them to concentrate on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
societies and countries. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that humans should care about themselves at the
first
place, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that relieving the ones who
indeed
in need is
also
one matter of individuals' existence in the world.

On the one hand, We cannot have a power or opportunity to present an aid to satisfy everyone in the world.
Firstly
, we have personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and to hold this mini world alive we
are demanded
moral and financial attentions. In order to be with our close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to structure the future of our young generation, we-adults should concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on our lifestyles without any distractions from the sides.
Besides
, every person
is born
with appropriate talent and using it everyone should fight to better their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and conditions. It means, each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is the owner of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
existence and
they will
Possible spelling mistake found.
deside
whether to suffer or struggle against difficulties and reach their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any written or oral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that nations should care about each one, and
instead
of solving privet issues they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about another communities' and countries' problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, each individual should select
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
territory than spending time to others life.

On the other hand
, there is a notion of a manner that subsists in
Possible spelling mistake found.
evryones
' heart.
That is
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
clearly
understand the meaning of the epigraph
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is boomerang
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and putting themselves on the place of indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quickly
run for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Moreover
, according to psychologists research, when someone presents a support feels themselves as happy as the one who has received it. Psychologists say:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
euphoric position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow the giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, as, they should
Possible spelling mistake found.
handsel
what they wish or appreciate. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's remember the tale of Brother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grimms
about animals, where rabbit presents his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
food to his friend, and his friend to the another
Possible spelling mistake found.
frend
, and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
that carrot cones back to him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we will receive what we give and to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feelings we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others more.

To sum up I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that humanity should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, while, showing assistance to others'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times may return us when we face with same conditions
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IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world who needs a help so we should concern only own need.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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