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All and sundry must protect their lives even retire people

All and sundry must protect their lives even retire people KyY0L
Some people think that when they retire, they should stay at home and receive their pension and continue their lives but they don't realize that If they didn't move, they would become an obese man with negative thoughts that magnifies everything After a while, they get sick and needed a chiropractor they threatened people with epidemic diseases due to obesity. These people should avoid risking themselves by exercising, which will be vital for them Early morning is the best time to move and exercise when the air is fully ventilated and there is enough oxygen In the parks, there are municipal devices that are for public use. Please explain this to your loved ones orally to obstacle any disease in them.
Some
people
think
that when they retire, they should stay at home and receive their pension and continue their
lives
but
they don't realize that If they didn't
move
, they would become an obese
man
with
negative
thoughts that magnifies everything After a while, they
get
sick and needed a chiropractor they threatened
people
with epidemic diseases due to obesity. These
people
should avoid risking themselves by exercising, which will be vital for them Early morning is the best time to
move
and exercise when the air is
fully
ventilated and there is
enough
oxygen


In the parks, there are municipal devices that are for public
use
.
Please
explain
this to your
loved
ones
orally
to obstacle any disease in them.
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IELTS essay All and sundry must protect their lives even retire people

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
121 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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