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In Many Places Women Are Taking Jobs Which Are Traditionally Done By Men

In Many Places Women Are Taking Jobs Which Are Traditionally Done By Men 8LJQP
In contemporary settings, due to the prevalence of feminist movement, more and more females are hired in some industries which conventionally are the domains of males. The contributors of this transformation will be discussed in this essay along with the reasons why I believe this is a blessing rather than a curse. Multiple factors facilitate this trend. To be more specific, an increasing number of women receive tertiary education and thus, the professional knowledge obtained from such experience enables them to enter / join some companies, working as engineers, scientists and lawyers. In addition, several decades ago, most tasks were performed by hand, which made men in an advantageous position due to their relatively stronger bodies. By contrast, nowadays, the vast majority of manual jobs are performed by machines, and the requirement for workers is not strength but the skills of operating these mechanics, which makes the females on a par with their male counterparts. This improvement exerts positive influence on both females and their families. Women are always detail-oriented, so if they are working as scientists or doctors, they have higher chances of obtaining huge success. A good example is the female scientist Madame Curie who attributed her success in the discovery of the element Ra to the fact that she identified the minor difference in their daily research outcomes. Consequently, by focusing on these divergences and doing deep research, she found the element and reaped breakthrough in their research. Besides, formerly, the roles of women were confined to being housewives, which earned them no salaries. Hence, their families depended on their husbands’ salaries, but in the modern times, the combined salaries of both husbands and wives enable them to have better lifestyles. In conclusion, the reasons for the increase in women’s involvement in work which used to be done by men are their educational qualifications and the development of technologies which eliminate manual labour.
In contemporary settings, due to the prevalence of feminist movement, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are hired
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries which
conventionally
are the domains of males. The contributors of this transformation will
be discussed
in this essay along with the reasons why I believe this is a blessing
rather
than a curse. Multiple factors facilitate this trend.

To be more specific, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
receive tertiary education and
thus
, the professional knowledge obtained from such experience enables them to enter /
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, working as engineers, scientists and lawyers.
In addition
, several decades ago, most tasks
were performed
by hand, which made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in an advantageous position due to their
relatively
stronger bodies. By contrast, nowadays, the vast majority of manual jobs
are performed
by machines, and the requirement for workers is not strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of operating these mechanics, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
on a par with their male counterparts.

This improvement exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and their families.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are always detail-oriented,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they are working as scientists or doctors, they have higher chances of obtaining huge success. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
scientist Madame Curie who attributed her success in the discovery of the element Ra to the fact that she identified the minor difference in their daily research outcomes.
Consequently
, by focusing on these divergences and doing deep research, she found the element and reaped breakthrough in their research.
Besides
,
formerly
, the roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were confined
to being housewives, which earned them no salaries.
Hence
, their families depended on their husbands’ salaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the modern times, the combined salaries of both husbands and wives enable them to have better lifestyles.

In conclusion
, the reasons for the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
involvement in work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are their educational qualifications and the development of technologies which eliminate manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
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IELTS essay In Many Places Women Are Taking Jobs Which Are Traditionally Done By Men

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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