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We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries 2qax
Some people believe that we should not help people in other countries as long as there are problems in our own society. I disagree with this view because I believe that we should try to help as many people as possible. On the one hand, I accept that it is important to help our neighbours and fellow citizens. In most communities there are people who are impoverished or disadvantaged in some way. It is possible to find homeless people, for example, in even the wealthiest of cities, and for those who are concerned about this problem, there are usually opportunities to volunteer time or give money to support these people. In the UK, people can help in a variety of ways, from donating clothing to serving free food in a soup kitchen. As the problems are on our doorstep, and there are obvious ways to help, I can understand why some people feel that we should prioritise local charity. At the same time, I believe that we have an obligation to help those who live beyond our national borders. In some countries the problems that people face are much more serious than those in our own communities, and it is often even easier to help. For example, when children are dying from curable diseases in African countries, governments and individuals in richer countries can save lives simply by paying for vaccines that already exist. A small donation to an international charity might have a much greater impact than helping in our local area. In conclusion, it is true that we cannot help everyone, but in my opinion national boundaries should not stop us from helping those who are in need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other countries as long as

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there
are problems in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
society. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
believe


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
we should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as possible.

On the one hand, I accept that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and fellow

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
citizens
. In most communities there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are impoverished
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
or


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
disadvantaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way. It is possible to find homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


even the wealthiest of cities, and for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are concerned
about this problem,

there are
usually
opportunities to volunteer time or give money to support these

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
. In the UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in a variety of ways, from donating clothing
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
serving
free food in a soup kitchen. As the problems are on our doorstep, and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
there


are obvious ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that we should

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
prioritise
local charity.

At the same time, I believe that we have an obligation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
beyond

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
our
national borders. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries the problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
much


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
serious than those in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
communities, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
even easier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
For example
, when children are dying from curable diseases in African countries,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals in richer countries can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
simply
by paying for vaccines that already exist. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
donation to an international charity might have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
much
greater impact than helping in our local area.

In conclusion
, it is true that we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion national

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
boundaries
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
us from helping those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need.

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
280 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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