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?we are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely to much in computer?

Since the launch of the first-ever computer, demand has steadily increased, as most of the institutions are dependent on this technology. Definitely, this will provide more opportunities for our future to grow, Some might argue if being so dependent on computer technology is beneficial to society, First of all, computers were invented to make tasks easier. The first-ever computer was able to calculate complex formulas faster and more accurately as compared to humans, Furthermore, this progress was taken advantage of by companies, which installed computer systems in order to lessen the tedious job of auditing. As an example, all over the world, computers are seen on front desks and bank tellers, where it is utilized to store clients information and account statements. Secondly, computer technology is now installed on modern vehicles, from motorcycles, cars, trains, airplanes, and space shuttles. Humans are now so reliant on computer systems that provide eco-friendly emissions from vehicles. As compared in the past vehicles back then are installed with carburetors, where it is said that use of such contributed to the destruction of the earth's ozone layer, from the high concentration of carbon emissions. But now, environmentalists claim that carbon emissions from cars had decreased because cars nowadays are installed with computer-driven fuel injection systems. Finally, computer-dependent devices, provide safety to society. Government branches such as NASA and the weather bureau rely on computer technology for calculations of future forecasts. As an example, tsunami, earthquake, and typhoon warnings are more reliable, because installed systems with sensors can immediately send feedbacks to the main computer. In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits in relying upon computer technology. Progress on the use of this technology is limitless.
Since the launch of the
first
-ever computer, demand has
steadily
increased, as most of the institutions are dependent on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Definitely, this will provide more opportunities for our future to grow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might argue if being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dependent on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is beneficial to society,

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, computers
were invented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tasks easier. The
first
-ever computer was able to calculate complex formulas faster and more
accurately
as compared to humans,
Furthermore
, this progress
was taken
advantage of by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
computer systems in order to lessen the tedious job of auditing. As an example, all over the world, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on front desks and bank tellers, where it
is utilized
to store clients information and account statements.

Secondly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
on modern vehicles, from motorcycles, cars, trains, airplanes, and space shuttles. Humans are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
reliant on computer systems that provide eco-friendly emissions from vehicles. As compared in the past vehicles back then are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
with carburetors, where it
is said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such contributed to the destruction of the earth's ozone layer, from the high concentration of carbon emissions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, environmentalists claim that carbon emissions from cars had decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cars nowadays are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
with computer-driven fuel injection systems.

Finally
, computer-dependent devices, provide safety to society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
branches such as NASA and the weather bureau rely on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for calculations of future forecasts. As an example, tsunami, earthquake, and typhoon warnings are more reliable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
installed
systems with sensors can immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
feedbacks to the main computer.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits in relying upon computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Progress on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is limitless.
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IELTS essay ? we are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely to much in computer?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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