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A story about a memory that end by he was very tired and exhausted, he was still relieved that he was saved.

A story about a memory that end by he was very tired and exhausted, he was still relieved that he was saved. WgG5K
Last month, he went hiking. On that day, the weather was very cold but he wore enough clothes to keep warm. After a few hours of climbing, he stopped to eat the food he brought. As soon as he sat down, he saw some small snowflakes falling. Not long after, the sky gradually darkened and more snow began to fall. He built an igloo to stay in and he draped a red scarf over the tent. An hour later, he heard the helicopter and the helicopter dropped a row of baskets for him to climb up. After he climbed to safety they started to lift him up. Although he was very tired and exhausted, he was still relieved that he was saved.
Last month, he went hiking. On that day, the weather was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he wore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
clothes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
warm. After a few hours of climbing, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
to eat the food he brought. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he sat down, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
snowflakes falling. Not long after, the sky
gradually
darkened and more snow began to fall. He built an igloo to stay
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
in and
he draped a red scarf over the tent. An hour later, he heard the helicopter and the helicopter dropped a row of baskets for him to climb up.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
he climbed to safety they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to lift him up. Although he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired and exhausted, he was
still
relieved that he
was saved
.

IELTS essay A story about a memory that end by he was very tired and exhausted, he was still relieved that he was saved.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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