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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.Watching TV is bad for children .Use specific reason

Watching TV is bad for children. Use specific reason qVY9P
Most people in the developibg modern life consider that watching television can affect to the children who are initially adopting to the social community. At present, many parents lead a very hectic life style, meanwhile, their kids stay at home tediously where they can obiviously rely on TV programmes. In fact it may be the kind of intertainment. By this way, children 'll manage to broaden their horizon. In contrast, sitting nearby TV the whole day can cause obesity that has a bad effect towards yong generation. Moreover, children who who have a leisure time with watching horror films that serve as a model them, can learn how to make criminals considerably in social life. Eventually, they don't feel sick of fear, in the future as it looks for them as a usual thing. However, there can be a good sides of watching TV. Some of TV sets can interest pupils who can take a great educational knowledge. In my view, watching TV programmes are not suitable for the young. The main point is vital for parents who should restrict watching TV, in identical ways. Therefore proctecting our yong generation from one -eyed-monster is very important for the humanity.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
developibg
modern life consider that watching television can affect to the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
initially
adopting to the social community. At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents lead a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic life style, meanwhile, their kids stay at home
tediously
where they can
Possible spelling mistake found.
obiviously
rely on TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, it".
fact it
may be the kind of
Possible spelling mistake found.
intertainment
. By this way, children 'll manage to broaden their horizon.
In contrast
, sitting nearby TV the whole day can cause obesity that has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
yong
generation.
Moreover
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a leisure time with watching horror films that serve as a model them, can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
criminals
considerably
in social life.
Eventually
, they don't feel sick of fear, in the future as it looks for them as a usual thing.
However
, there can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides of watching TV.
Consider using "Some TV" or "Some of the TV".
Some of TV
sets can interest pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can take
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "great educational knowledge".
a great educational knowledge
. In my view, watching TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are not suitable for the young. The main point is vital for parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should restrict watching TV, in identical ways.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
Possible spelling mistake found.
proctecting
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
yong
generation from one -eyed-monster is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the humanity.
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IELTS essay Watching TV is bad for children. Use specific reason

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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