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Watching TV is bad for children. Do you agree or disagree? Please use specific reasons to support your views.

Watching TV is bad for children. Please use specific reasons to support your views. ElKlB
Nowadays, with the tremendous advancement of technologies, TVs are far more accessible and ubiquitous than before. A multitude of people, especially children, spend hours on the screens. However, it is argued that this kind of recreation is detrimental to children. To my mind, I concur with this opinion for the following reasons: violent programs, time-consuming, adverse effects on health. First of all, the TV contains a myriad of violent programs and nonsense game shows. In the time profits are the first and foremost concentration of companies, TV programs tend to get as much attention of the viewers as possible, in other words, ratings, by cramming shocking factors, especially violence. Gratuitous violence on TV can have a pernicious influence on children's behavior. They may "practice" what they have seen on TV in real life and use violence as a key for every problem. Moreover, falsified news and nonsense gameshow can give children insufficient insights into the world around them. Secondly, when most people watch TV for relaxation, they could keep starring at the screens for hours and transcend the limited time for watching TV, not except for children. This habit could lead to bad performance and demerits at school when their time for studying is occupied. Lastly, watching too much TV could lead to health problems; this idea is analogous to the second idea. When children's time is spent watching TV, physical activities will be lacking, which is the opportunity for obesity and heart diseases to rise in their bodies. Moreover, eye-related like short-sighted eye discharge can occur if on-screen time is exceeded. Briefly, I believe TV is not healthy (both physically and mentally) to entertain children for the mentioned reasons.
Nowadays, with the tremendous advancement of technologies, TVs are far more accessible and ubiquitous than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. A multitude of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, spend hours on the screens.
However
, it
is argued
that this kind of recreation is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To my mind, I concur with this opinion for the following reasons: violent programs, time-consuming, adverse effects on health.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the TV contains a myriad of violent programs and nonsense game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
profits are the
first
and foremost concentration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, TV programs tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
as much attention of the viewers as possible,
in other words
, ratings, by cramming shocking factors,
especially
violence. Gratuitous violence on TV can have a pernicious influence on children's behavior. They may
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
practice
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on TV in real life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
violence as a key for every problem.
Moreover
, falsified news and nonsense
Possible spelling mistake found.
gameshow
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
insufficient insights into the world around them.

Secondly
, when most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV for relaxation, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
starring at the screens for hours and transcend the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for watching TV, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This habit could lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performance and demerits at school when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying
is occupied
.

Lastly
, watching too much TV could lead to health problems; this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is analogous to the second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. When children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
watching TV, physical activities will be lacking, which is the opportunity for obesity and heart diseases to rise in their bodies.
Moreover
, eye-related like short-sighted eye discharge can occur if on-screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is exceeded
.

Briefly
, I believe TV is not healthy (both
physically
and mentally) to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the mentioned reasons.
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IELTS essay Watching TV is bad for children. Please use specific reasons to support your views.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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