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The process of making woollen product

The process of making woollen product GNGNQ
The picture illustrate the processes of manufacturing wool products through of variety of stages. Overall, there are totally 14 main steps which is started from shearing sheep fur to make the final jacket or carpet for selling purpose domestically or globally. At first, all mature sheep are sheared to collect a ton of fur separately then all of fur is cleaned and dried before being collected for the next steps. In the spinning stage, there are 2 options for different purpose of usage. It can be stringed for the recycling or go on creating the original wool product. The whole huge wool is divided into many tuft of wool, which will be kept in the suitable place and temperature for the most quality at all. Obviously, the spinning balls of yam will be supplied directly to the customer throughout 2 different ways, knitting for many people who have the passionate on making their own products by their hands. On the other hands, someone who don’t have the knitting talent can buy the well-made merchandise such as jacket or carpet which come from many domestic or global manufacture for personal interests.
The picture
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the processes of manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
products through of variety of stages.

Overall
, there are
totally
14 main steps which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from shearing sheep fur to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the final jacket or carpet for selling purpose
domestically
or globally.

At
first
, all mature sheep
are sheared
to collect a ton of fur
separately
then
Consider using "all fur" or "all of the fur".
all of fur
is cleaned
and dried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being collected
for the
next
steps. In the spinning stage, there are 2 options for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose of usage. It can
be stringed
for the recycling or go on creating the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
product. The whole huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
is divided
into
Possible agreement error. The noun tuft seems to be countable; consider using: "many tufts".
many tuft
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wool
, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the suitable place and temperature for the most quality at all.
Obviously
, the spinning balls of yam will
be supplied
directly
to the customer throughout 2
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, knitting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have the passionate on making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
products by their hands. On the other hands, someone who don’t have the knitting talent can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the well-made merchandise such as jacket or carpet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
domestic or global manufacture for personal interests.

IELTS essay The process of making woollen product

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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