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Watching television has positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.2

Watching television has positive effects on children. v. 2
In the recent era, where kids are busy with their academic life and hardly find any time for outdoor activities, it becomes the need of the hour to have a some sort of entertainment in the form of television and other forms of entertainment. Although, watching TV has numerous advantages for the children, but, however, sometimes they got addicted to it which is not good for their growth. I, largely agree with this statement. Firstly, seeing TV has many positive effects for the children. Nowadays, there are many TV channels aimed at education which aid in increasing their knowledge about a particular subject. Then, there are news channels which provide them regular updates about local and global issues. Furthermore, there are a myriad of channels about history and geography, which provide them information about a particular region. Then, numerous students learn about arts like drawing, dancing and singing just by watching TV channels and then there are cartoon channels which are very famous among kids and helps them in developing their language skills. For instance, recently i noticed a big change in my daughter communication skills because of her habit of watching English cartoon channels. On the other hand, there are negative effects associated with television as well. Children nowadays spend most of their leisure time watching TV only which is the main cause of various eye problems in the adolescents and then watching violent material make their behaviour aggressive and even sometimes they commit crimes also. To illustrate, in a recent survey, it has been observed that there has been a sharp increase the criminal cases registered against teenagers. To conclude, Television plays a crucial role in the upbringing of the child, but, however, parents needs to have a proper control over them regarding what they are watching.
In the recent era, where kids are busy with their academic life and hardly find any time for outdoor activities, it becomes the need of the hour to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of entertainment in the form of television and other forms of entertainment. Although, watching TV has numerous advantages for the children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
addicted to it which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their growth. I,
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, seeing TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for the children. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
aimed at education which aid in increasing their knowledge about a particular subject. Then, there are news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
which provide them regular updates about local and global issues.
Furthermore
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
about history and geography, which provide them information about a particular region.

Then, numerous students learn about arts like drawing, dancing and singing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
and then there are cartoon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in developing their language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, recently
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
noticed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in my daughter communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her habit of watching English cartoon channels.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects associated with television
as well
. Children nowadays spend most of their leisure time watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
which is the main cause of various eye problems in the adolescents and then watching violent material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
aggressive and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they commit crimes
also
. To illustrate, in a recent survey, it has
been observed
that there has been a sharp increase the criminal cases registered against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To conclude
, Television plays a crucial role in the upbringing of the child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
however
, parents needs to have a proper control over them regarding what they are watching.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Watching television has positive effects on children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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