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Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem? ml08
Across the globe, a plethora of individuals have debated about the issue of the lifestyle people follow. It is argued that nowadays, despite of the merits walking contribute to health, more and more people stopped doing this activity. Thus, this essay will discuss the factors responsible for the reducing number of walking and suggest some possible solutions in order to improve the current situation. First of all, the roots of this major problem are urbanization and affordable prices of public and private vehicles. With the advent of city development, it is intuitively obvious that a number of buildings has been constructed, however some of locations are far away from each other. As a result, people are more prone to use public transport or their own cars so as to get to their destination rather than going several kilometers on foot. Another reason is that people feel availability and financial affordance in using public transportation system. For instance, the low prices for one travel by a variety of public vehicles appeared to be attractive for people so that people are more willing to drive to their location by these means of transport. With respect to the conceivable solutions to deal with this issue, it is significant to promote health awareness among people as well as closing public transportations and other cabs such as a taxi for weekend. It is a compelling argument to provide people with information about their health conditions and most preferably, about the beneficial effects of walking. For instance, a majority of people will be conscious of what they lose and then will make an effort to enhance the situation by going on foot at least once in three days. Making restrictions in working of cities’ public transportation conclusively means that there will be essential changes in the lifestyles of people in a positive way. To illustrate, there will be need for citizens with no cars to go on their own in order to reach their locations due to the lack of other possible means. To conclude from the aforementioned views, people’s minimized amount of walking is caused by two main factors such as the improvement of cities and affordable prices of public transports. However, it is vital for people to keep the principles of the healthy lifestyles, especially supporting going on foot every day, therefore such ways as promotion of health consciousness and limitation of public usage were demonstrated to tackle this problem.
Across the globe, a plethora of individuals have debated about the issue of the lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow. It
is argued
that nowadays,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the merits walking contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
doing this activity.
Thus
, this essay will discuss the factors responsible for the reducing number of walking and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the roots of this major problem are urbanization and affordable prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and private vehicles. With the advent of city development, it is
intuitively
obvious that a number of buildings has
been constructed
,
however
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the locations") or simply say "some locations".
some of locations
are far away from each other.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their destination
rather
than going several kilometers on foot. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel availability and financial affordance in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation system.
For instance
, the low prices for one travel by a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
vehicles appeared to be attractive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more willing to drive to their location by these means of transport.

With respect to the conceivable solutions to deal with this issue, it is significant to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations and other cabs such as a taxi for weekend. It is a compelling argument to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions and most
preferably
, about the beneficial effects of walking.
For instance
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be conscious of what they lose and then will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to enhance the situation by going on foot at least once in three days. Making restrictions in working of cities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
conclusively
means that there will be essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. To illustrate, there will
be need
for citizens with no cars to go on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in order to reach their locations due to the lack of other possible means.

To conclude
from the aforementioned views,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minimized amount of walking
is caused
by two main factors such as the improvement of cities and affordable prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports.
However
, it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the principles of the healthy lifestyles,
especially
supporting going on foot every day,
therefore
such ways as promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
consciousness and limitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
usage
were demonstrated
to tackle this problem.

IELTS essay Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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