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vouluntary work during holidays

vouluntary work during holidays gApj1
Some people think that more students should do voluntary work during long holidays instead of working for money. This is the statement we need to discuss. When you're a student, you have much more time to find yourself in various activities, for example voluntary work. It helps you realize what path in life you want to choose, what makes you happy. Another argument I have is that while volunteering you can find people with similar interests. It's an easy way to find real friends. On the other hand it's not always easy to volunteer. I want to remind you that some families have financial problems and students can help them by working for money. But just because your family is financially stable, doesn't mean that you can't do that too. Working for money will help you get new experience and prepare for the real life which awaits for you in the future. You also begin to understand that money isn't something easily obtained, right? You start to count your income and expenses and it might help you avoid purchasing unnecessary things. In my opinion, both activities have their advantages and disadvantages. You should work for money if you want to gain more life experience, save up to buy something you want or simply help out your family. Otherwise I think you can volunteer which is a great thing to do. Not only it keeps you physically active but your emotional health gets a lot better and gives you the feeling of achievement after volunteering.
Some
people
think
that more students should do voluntary work during long holidays
instead
of working for
money
. This is the statement we need to discuss.

When you're a student, you have much more time to find yourself in various activities,
for example
voluntary work. It
helps
you realize what path in life you
want
to choose, what
makes
you happy. Another argument I have is that while volunteering you can find
people
with similar interests. It's an easy way to find real friends.

On the other hand
it's not always easy to volunteer. I
want
to remind you that
some
families have financial problems and students can
help
them by working for
money
.
But
just
because
your family is
financially
stable, doesn't mean that you can't do that too. Working for
money
will
help
you
get
new experience and prepare for the real life which awaits for you in the future. You
also
begin
to understand that
money
isn't something
easily
obtained, right? You
start
to count your income and expenses and it might
help
you avoid purchasing unnecessary things.

In my opinion, both activities have their advantages and disadvantages. You should work for
money
if you
want
to gain more life experience, save up to
buy
something you
want
or
simply
help
out your family.
Otherwise
I
think
you can volunteer which is a great thing to do. Not
only
it
keeps
you
physically
active
but
your emotional health
gets
a lot better and gives you the feeling of achievement after volunteering.
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IELTS essay vouluntary work during holidays

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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