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There are many people who think that parents should choose ways for their children to spend their free time. However, there are many others who disagree and believe that children should be allowed to use their time on activities they choose. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

There are many people who think that parents should choose ways for their children to spend their free time. However, there are many others who disagree and believe that children should be allowed to use their time on activities they choose. LL6y8
There has been increasing debate as to whether children should take part in activities organized by their parents or they should be free to choose their activities in their spare time. On the one hand, it is beneficial for parents to control their children in their leisure activities. Firstly, by encouraging school-age children to be engaged in doing organized activities, parents can reduce the detrimental effects from technological gadgets such as computers or televisions. The reason being that children seem to be stuck behind the computer which leads to a sedentary lifestyle in children, or even an impact on their eyes as visual impairment. Moreover, parents are also the best supervisors because they know how to choose the suitable program for their children. For instance, if their children are introverted ones, they can establish a wide range of activities relating to practical experiences like team sports to foster their interpersonal skills as well as giving them a wealth of valuable knowledge about the society. On the other hand, it is advisable that adolescents have a right to pursue whatever they want to do in their free time. There would be more independence if children could occupy themselves on their own, due to the fact that this gives children freedom of thought and children learn to take up challenges and responsibilities for their actions. Whatever point of view, children need freedom in their free time, and should be free to do what they want to do. Too much leisure recreation would result in some disadvantages, such as falling into fatigue or lack of sleep. In conclusion, it is superior for children to have a balanced life and choose ways to spend their time which certainly outweigh the drawbacks.
There has been increasing debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
organized by their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents or
they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their spare time.

On the one hand, it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, by encouraging school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be engaged
in doing organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the detrimental effects from technological gadgets such as computers or televisions. The reason being that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seem to
be stuck
behind the computer which leads to a sedentary lifestyle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, or even an impact on their eyes as visual impairment.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
the best supervisors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know how to choose the suitable program for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are introverted
ones, they can establish a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
relating to practical experiences like team sports to foster their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as giving them a wealth of valuable knowledge about the society.

On the other hand
, it is advisable that adolescents have a right to pursue whatever they want to do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time. There would be more independence if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, due to the fact that this gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
freedom of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to take up challenges and responsibilities for their actions. Whatever point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need freedom in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time, and should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to do what they want to do. Too much leisure recreation would result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, such as falling into fatigue or lack of sleep.

In conclusion
, it is superior for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a balanced life and choose ways to spend their time which
certainly
outweigh the drawbacks.
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IELTS essay There are many people who think that parents should choose ways for their children to spend their free time. However, there are many others who disagree and believe that children should be allowed to use their time on activities they choose.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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