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Violent TV-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on governmental level. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays contains of the television show and games related to the crime and aggressiveness so it should be restricted on state level i agree with this statement. My inclination is described in ensuring paragraphs. First of all children mostly watch tv programs and also play video games during their free time. If the contents are related to crime then children mostly affected from this show nd games. Moreover, they are also started to copy their actions because of this sometimes children behaviour also changed they become aggressive. Secondly, children always more concentrate in games and tv show as result children give lower performance in study and they got lower bands. if government banned the violence show and games and promote good programs related to study and motivation show because of that mostly teenagers start to follow their passion and its help to improve their skills. Furthermore, crime rate also decrease foe example most of the thief copy the style for crime from television and apply on real life. Mostly teenaged thieves are doing this type of crime so they stop this doing wrong in society if they stop seeing criminal series. To be concluded that i support this statement to banned the violence show and games at state level because of this crime ratio decrease in state and children also start to see good programs and their mind divert in creative way.
Nowadays contains of the television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and aggressiveness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be restricted
on state level
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. My inclination is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in ensuring paragraphs.
First
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
programs and
also
play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
during their free time. If the contents
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
Possible spelling mistake found.
nd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Moreover
, they are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to copy their actions
because of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
they become aggressive.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always more concentrate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
as result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
give lower performance in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lower bands.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned the violence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
programs related to study and motivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to follow their passion and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
also
decrease foe example most of the thief copy the style for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from television and apply on real life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mostly
teenaged thieves are doing this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in society if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
seeing criminal series. To
be concluded
that
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
support this statement to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “ban”.
banned
the violence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at state level
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
ratio decrease in state and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
programs and their mind divert in creative way.
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IELTS essay Violent TV-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on governmental level.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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