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Violent Tv-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on government level .Do you agree or disagree

Violent Tv-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on government level. 6XY8
Fighting TV- shows and some hostile video games should be prohibited on government law. I agree with the given statement because from my point of view, some informal TV-shows and aggressive video games directly impacts to the people mind in very short-range of time However, It influence to the people to do same task which is display on violent TV-shows. Nowdays, foul play shows and hostile video games were directly effect to the young generation mind. Morever, By watching this type of TV- shows, they suffer from mental stress in few days. Meanwhile, By playing aggressive computer games children are waste their whole time to appear first in the game. For example, pubg - A famous video game in all over the world. Which is directly impacts to the lot's of the children mind. Children are mentally distrub. if they had not been appear in the game. so, due to this they are addicated with aggressive game. Some violent TV-show and digital games pull the people to try the similar thing which had been seen on TV and games Furthermore, young generation is ready to perform some violent activity for their different purpose. In case of this, they put their life in plenty of death. for example, the ' khatron ke khiladi' -The famous show of india. which indirectly impacts to the people to do same stant. which is very dangerous who try in their home. So, government should stop this type of show. In conclusion, The people should not follow any of the fighting show and control their mind to play some of aggressive video games. Meanwhile, It is a duty of government to banned this type of shows and games which effects to country people.
Fighting TV-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hostile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be prohibited
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
law. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from my point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
informal TV-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
directly
impacts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short-range of time
However
, It
Did you mean "influences"?
influence
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do same task which is display on violent TV-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, foul play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and hostile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were
directly
effect to the young generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
, By watching this type of TV-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, they suffer from mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in few days. Meanwhile, By playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
children are waste their whole time to appear
first
in the game.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubg
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game in all over the world. Which is
directly
impacts to the
Did you mean "lots"?
lot's
of the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. Children are mentally
Possible spelling mistake found.
distrub
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
they had not been
Consider using a past participle here: "appeared".
appear
in the game.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, due to this they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
addicated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
game.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
violent TV-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
pull the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to try the similar thing which had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Furthermore
, young generation is ready to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
violent activity for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose. In case of this, they put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of death.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, the
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
Possible spelling mistake found.
khatron
Possible spelling mistake found.
ke
Possible spelling mistake found.
khiladi
' -The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
indirectly
impacts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do same
Possible spelling mistake found.
stant
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
who try in their home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
.
In conclusion
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not follow any of the fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Meanwhile, It is a duty of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Did you mean "to ban"?
to banned
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which effects to country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Violent Tv-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on government level.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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