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VIOLENCE MEDIA AND CHILDREN

VIOLENCE MEDIA AND CHILDREN AwA2x
No. There is absolutely no evidence to support this theory. First, let's draw up some definitions. When we talk about “media" we mostly mean entertainment and not journalism. It may be that people with a liking for violence will play violent video games. But the games themselves have nothing to do with causing violence. How do we know this? Top gaming nations like Korea, Japan, Taiwan don't have violence issues the US has. Their culture is entirely diffent and they don't have the access to guns that Americans do. In fact, streaming games are now being investigated for bringing down crime. Kids are too busy playing games to get up to mischief. Also, I would question the idea that these days kids are worse than earlier generations. Humanity itself is moving away from violence as a whole, not towards it. A few hundred years ago, teens were considered adults. They married, fought in wars and so on. They hunted, slaughtered farm animals and witnessed and perpetrated far more inter personal violence than they do today. The idea of the idyllic childhood was only a reality for a tiny privileged few. Yet we seem to have bought into the idea that it was the norm and today is far worse. That simply is not true.
No. There is
absolutely
no evidence to support this theory.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's draw up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
definitions. When we talk about “media
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
we
mostly
mean entertainment and not journalism.

It may be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a liking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
will play violent video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
themselves have nothing to do with causing violence.

How do we know this? Top gaming nations like Korea, Japan, Taiwan don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
issues the US has. Their culture is
entirely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diffent and
they don't have the access to guns that Americans do.

In fact, streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being investigated
for bringing down crime. Kids are too busy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up to mischief.

Also
, I would question the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these days kids are worse than earlier generations. Humanity itself is moving away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as a whole, not towards it.

A few hundred years ago, teens
were considered
adults. They married, fought in wars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They hunted, slaughtered farm animals and witnessed and perpetrated far more
This word is normally spelled as one.
inter personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
than they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the idyllic childhood was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a reality for a tiny privileged few.
Yet
we seem to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it was the norm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is far worse. That
simply
is not true.
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IELTS essay VIOLENCE MEDIA AND CHILDREN

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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