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Rising numbers of juvenile crime attributed to media violence overexposure.

Rising numbers of juvenile crime attributed to media violence overexposure. alNXo
I do not agree that this is the main cause of juvenile delinquency. The main cause of juvenile crime is the lack of opportunities. The little access to education, lack of food and health are also causes that can be attributed to this problem. Governments should have policies aimed at slowing young people easy access. Although it must be admitted that the media do a lot of amage. The media should be moderate when giving news. They must respect the right to presumption of innocence. They have to understand that a young person life´s can be damaged if they are called criminales without a court sentence. So, if w ewant to reduce crime, the goverments must provide opportunities for young people and the media deliver seriously and proven news. But the families also play an important role in raising their children, so it is something that should also be look at. So, media violence plays an important role in juvenile crime but it is not the main cause.
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of juvenile delinquency. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of juvenile crime is the lack of opportunities. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
access to education, lack of food and health are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
that can
be attributed
to this problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should have policies aimed at slowing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easy access.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
amage
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should be moderate when giving news. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect the right to presumption of innocence. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand that a young person
The character between 'life' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "life’s" (curly apostrophe) or "life's" (straight apostrophe).
life´s
can
be damaged
if they
are called
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "criminals", the plural form of the noun 'criminal'?
criminales
without a court sentence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
w ewant
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
crime, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide opportunities for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
deliver
seriously
and proven news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the families
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in raising their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is something that should
also
be look at.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
violence plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in juvenile crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
.

IELTS essay Rising numbers of juvenile crime attributed to media violence overexposure.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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