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Violence is increasing at an alarming rate in many schools. In what ways can you say this problem be overcome?

Violence is increasing at an alarming rate in many schools. In what ways can you say this problem be overcome? lLQ11
School violence has drawn many concerns over the years as it has such detrimental effects on children. Therefore, school violence prevention should be the top priority. In the first place, the responsibility of the family is of utmost importance. Parents should be role models to their offspring. To be more specific, they are supposed to overcome their matters without being involved in violence. Furthermore, children are advised to share their issues at school with adults, especially school bullying, rather than keep them themselves. This will partly help them to find solutions to their school problems and close ranks to their parents as well. In the second place, the educational environment plays a crucial part in how the problem of violence at schools is solved. School administrators are responsible for managing students and their behaviors to avoid any conflicts among them by setting school rules. In addition, it is imperative that students act strictly according to the regulations to create a positive academic environment, which will considerably decrease violence at schools. Last but not least, society holds no less importance in forming children’s awareness. The environments where they live have a huge impact on the way they think and behave. Accordingly, it is the whole community’s duty to create a healthy atmosphere in order to form such positive characteristics in children. This will certainly act as a deterrent for violence at schools. In conclusion, for the development of children, they need to live in a healthy educational environment where there is no school bullying. Therefore, timely prevention and widespread encouragement will surely bring better results.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
has drawn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
concerns over the years as it has such detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
prevention should be the top priority.

In the
first
place, the responsibility of the family is of utmost importance. Parents should be role models to their offspring. To be more specific, they
are supposed
to overcome their matters without
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are advised
to share their issues at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with adults,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bullying,
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them themselves. This will partly
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
solutions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
problems and close ranks to their parents
as well
.

In the second place, the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
plays a crucial part in how the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is solved
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
administrators are responsible for managing students and their behaviors to avoid any conflicts among them by setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
In addition
, it is imperative that students act
strictly
according to the regulations to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, which will
considerably
decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
at schools.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, society holds no less importance in forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
have a huge impact on the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave.
Accordingly
, it is the whole community’s duty to create a healthy atmosphere in order to form such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
characteristics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This will
certainly
act as a deterrent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
at schools.

In conclusion
, for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a healthy educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
where there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bullying.
Therefore
, timely prevention and widespread encouragement will
surely
bring better results.
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IELTS essay Violence is increasing at an alarming rate in many schools. In what ways can you say this problem be overcome?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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