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benefits and drawbacks of using facebook

benefits and drawbacks of using facebook ok3Bw
Nowadays, society develops rapidly leading to the appearance of many social media and Facebook is one of them. Therefore, it brings people many benefits but it also can not avoid other negative effects. Facebook is the most used social media in the world because it gives people a lot of benefits. First of all, people can surf Facebook to relax after stressful working and studying hours. Take my sister as an example, she is a high school student so she often gets tired of her school hours and thanks to watching videos as well as surfing information on Facebook, she can recharge her batteries to continue studying. Secondly, Facebook can make it easy for people to communicate with different people regardless of distance. For example, my brother is an accountant in a foreign company so he has to communicate with a lot of people over the Internet and Facebook has made it easy because of its features that make it possible for him to talk to many people nationally and internationally. On the other hand, Facebook also gives users some unwanted influence. Firstly, because Facebook's operating environment is large, it is a very good condition for criminals to operate. for example, my aunt is a regular Facebook user, is a fashion enthusiast and to save money, she often goes on Facebook to watch online sales and she also sells on it but last month, she was cheated by a salesman and lost a large amount of money. Secondly, if people use Facebook too much, they will only care about their relationships on Facebook and ignore their own lives. For example, my friend is a Facebook fan, she uses it almost all of her free time leading to becoming a passive person and worse yet she has lost some real relationships. In conclusion, Facebook is one of the most famous media in the world because it gives users many benefits but also because it is so popular that people can also suffer negative influences from Facebook.
Nowadays, society develops
rapidly
leading to the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social media and Facebook is one of them.
Therefore
, it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
can not avoid other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Facebook is the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
social media in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can surf Facebook to relax after stressful working and studying hours. Take my sister as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, she is a high school student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
tired of her school hours and thanks to watching videos
as well
as surfing information on Facebook, she can recharge her batteries to continue studying.
Secondly
, Facebook can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of distance. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, my brother is an accountant in a foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the Internet and Facebook has made it easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its features that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible for him to talk to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nationally
and
internationally
.

On the other hand
, Facebook
also
gives users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted influence.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Facebook's operating environment is large, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for criminals to operate.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, my aunt is a regular Facebook user, is a fashion enthusiast and to save money, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
goes on Facebook to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sales and
she
also
sells on it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
last month, she
was cheated
by a salesman and lost a large amount of money.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Facebook too much, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about their relationships on Facebook and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, my friend is a Facebook fan, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it almost all of her free time leading to becoming a passive person and worse
yet
she has lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
real relationships.

In conclusion
, Facebook is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
media in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences from Facebook.
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IELTS essay benefits and drawbacks of using facebook

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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