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Briefly summarize the problem the speakers are discussing. The state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.5

Briefly summarize the problem the speakers are discussing. The state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 5
We all know that life is not a bed of roses. For this, everyone has to struggle in its ups and downs for achieving something. Owing to this, many people forget that how to be happy in this duration. Therefore, they thought about their teenage period where they used to be celebrate and enjoy at most of the times. However, some people argue that adult soul brings more happiness in spite of greater burden of their families. On the one hand, it is true that juvenile times were awful with no worries and responsibilities. They have always been in the cheerful mood in every moment. Although many teenagers have the burden of study, but this could not bother them, they have always been happy rather to took any stress. Moreover, This is the era in which young boys and girls love each and every minute with joyful mood, whether they are in school or in college with their friends or at home with their family. However, at certain stages of activity they have to be thinking about their future. On the other hand, it is also true that adult lifespan years are happier times, but not the same as they were young. There are two types of adults in the society. First, which put them into depression and anxiety due to fear about their future and family. Consequently they adopt some unethical modes to earn money and drag themselves into some worse evils in the society like crime, drug addiction etc. Secondly, those who maintain fine balance in all aspects of their growth they will become happiest of all times. For instance, During this age, adults have many tasks to do, whether it is about their professional career, family planning or any. What is more joyful is that if they achieve successfully upon their tasks they are the most ecstatic person in the world. However, this is not an easy achievement for all. To conclude, I opine adolescent times is more fortunate than adult lifetime. However, I think that if adults maintain fine balance in their growth with great courage and conviction they could also live with pleasure and happiness.
We all know that life is not a bed of roses. For this, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
struggle in its ups and downs for achieving something. Owing to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forget that how to be happy in this duration.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about their teenage period where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "celebrated".
celebrate
and enjoy at most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that adult soul brings more happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
greater burden of their families.

On the one hand, it is true that juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
were awful with no worries and responsibilities. They have always been in the cheerful mood in every moment. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have the burden of study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could not bother them, they have always been happy
rather
Did you mean "to take"?
to took
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, This is the era in which young boys and girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each and every minute with joyful mood, whether they are in school or in college with their friends or at home with their family.
However
, at certain stages of activity they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be thinking about their future.

On the other hand
, it is
also
true that adult lifespan years are happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the same as they were young. There are two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in the society.
First
, which put them into depression and anxiety due to fear about their future and family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
they adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unethical modes to earn money and drag themselves into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worse evils in the society like crime, drug addiction etc.
Secondly
, those who maintain fine balance in all aspects of their growth they will become happiest of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
For instance
, During this age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks to do, whether it is about their professional career, family planning or any.
What is more
joyful is that if they achieve
successfully
upon their tasks they are the most ecstatic person in the world.
However
, this is not an easy achievement for all.

To conclude
, I opine adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is more fortunate than adult lifetime.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
maintain fine balance in their growth with great courage and conviction they could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with pleasure and happiness.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the problem the speakers are discussing. The state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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