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Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face-to-face communication in this century. Do yiu think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face-to-face communication in this century. Do yiu think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? PmQB
The invention of social media has changed the lifestyle and habits of human beings. Today even the face-to-face communication is being substituted by such social networking sites as Twitter, Facebook and others. Despite the extreme popularity among the mankind, in my opinion, the disadvantages of using social media are considerably superior to the advantages that it has. On the one hand, social networking sites allow people to communicate all over the world. In other words, they are able to keep in touch with their family, relatives and friends from a distance, even if they are on the other side of the world. Moreover, social media can unite individuals with the similar interests and problems, disturbing them. For example, the social sites, as Facebook and Instagram have an online community of people, suffering from the diabetes, where they discuss the common disease and help each other by giving appropriate advice, share their experience and recommendations. Additionally, social networking sites help individuals to be aware of the current events and trend happening in the world. It means, people are informed by daily news, recent innovations in different spheres of life, climate change and forthcoming natural disasters. On the other hand, what a serious harm social media can do is to destroy social skills. Those people who spent most of their time on using social sites, neglect to truly express their feelings orally, keep eye-contact and hear others' voice and speech. Also, social media cannot fully strengthen the interpersonal relationships of humans. That is to say, the access to Internet and mobile phones caused people to forget about a real life communication, as they prefer chatting with their friends and relatives relatives online rather that organising meetings or joint pastimes. As a result, they gradually drift apart, thereby endangering their relationships, which, in fact, should have a special position in their lives. But, a much more threat, resulting from social networking sites, is, probably, being exposed to cyber bullying. In the this case, bullies try to ashame or frighten their victims by posting embarrassing photos, spreading different disgraceful rumors, sending insulting messages and threats. Consequently, those, who suffered from these kind of abuse, tend to have a lower self-esteem and serious psychological shock, but in a severe cases they are expected to commit a suicide. In conclusion, although social media have benefited people to some extent, its drawbacks and threats extremely outweigh the positive sides.
The invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the lifestyle and habits of human beings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
even the face-to-face communication is
being substituted
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
as Twitter, Facebook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Despite the extreme popularity among the mankind, in my opinion, the disadvantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are
considerably
superior to the advantages that it has.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate all over the world. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their family, relatives and friends from a distance, even if they are on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the world.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can unite individuals with the similar interests and problems, disturbing them.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, as Facebook and Instagram have an online community of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, suffering from the diabetes, where they discuss the common disease and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by giving appropriate advice, share their experience and recommendations.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to be aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and trend happening in the world. It means,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are informed
by daily news, recent innovations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
spheres of life, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and forthcoming natural disasters.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, what a serious harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spent most of their time on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, neglect to
truly
express their feelings
orally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eye-contact and hear others' voice and speech.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot
fully
strengthen the interpersonal relationships of humans.
That is
to say, the access to Internet and mobile phones caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to forget about a real life communication, as they prefer chatting with their friends and
Possible typo: you repeated a word
relatives relatives
online
rather
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
meetings or joint pastimes.
As a result
, they
gradually
drift apart, thereby endangering their relationships, which, in fact, should have a special position in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, a much more threat, resulting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, is,
probably
,
being exposed
to
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
. In
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
case, bullies try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
ashame
or frighten their victims by posting embarrassing photos, spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
disgraceful rumors, sending insulting messages and threats.
Consequently
, those, who suffered from
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of abuse, tend to have a lower self-esteem and serious psychological shock,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a severe
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "case"?
cases
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to commit a suicide.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have benefited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, its drawbacks and threats
extremely
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides.
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IELTS essay Using social media as Facebook, Twitter is replacing face-to-face communication in this century. Do yiu think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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