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Should parks be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge, even a voluntary charge, be levied for admittance? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Should parks be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge, even a voluntary charge, be levied for admittance? 0okQ
There is no doubt that parks have always been the places of entertainment and relaxation. For this reason, some people claim that they should be free of charge. But others think that it is more reasonable to establish an admission charge in the parks. This essay is dedicated to examining both sides of the issue as well as presenting my own point of view. One of the arguments in favour of free admission policy is probably the increase of popularity of parks. That is to say, if parks eliminate the entrance fee, the number of people visiting these areas will rise substantially. Moreover, parks should serve as the way of getting recreation and relax not as the way of wasting money. Visitors should have a sense of pleasure and satisfaction instead of experiencing additional expenses. However, one cannot deny the fact that financial policy of the recreational centres have its definite intentions and plans. First of all, the income received from the admission charges may be delivered to the governmental budget of the nation. As the government have to make considerable expenses in many fields of life, extra income will be just appropriate in this case. Also, as the parks are regularly visited and explored by citizens, they need to be renovated and well-preserved. Consequently, improving the conditions and creating more convenience require some amount of financial support, that can be accomplished on the account of charges, taken from the visitors. In the end, taking all the arguments into consideration i have come to the conclusion that parks should retain their charge system as it contributes to the refill of the state treasury and improvement of the park conditions.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
have always been the places of entertainment and relaxation.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that they should be free of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more reasonable to establish an admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. This essay
is dedicated
to examining both sides of the issue
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
presenting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

One of the arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of free admission policy is
probably
the increase of popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
That is
to say, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
eliminate the entrance fee, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting these areas will rise
substantially
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
should serve as the way of getting recreation and relax not as the way of wasting money. Visitors should have a sense of pleasure and satisfaction
instead
of experiencing additional expenses.

However
, one cannot deny the fact that financial policy of the recreational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
intentions and plans.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the income received from the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
may
be delivered
to the governmental budget of the nation. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
considerable expenses in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of life, extra income will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
appropriate
in this case
.
Also
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are
regularly
visited and explored by citizens, they need to
be renovated
and well-preserved.
Consequently
, improving the conditions and creating more convenience require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of financial support, that can
be accomplished
on the account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
, taken from the visitors.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, taking all the arguments into consideration
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
should retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
system as it contributes to the refill of the state treasury and improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
conditions.
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IELTS essay Should parks be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge, even a voluntary charge, be levied for admittance?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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