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Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment ? Give reasons for your answer

Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? Give reasons for your answer Xo3xP
Different countries has different retirement age. Perhaps a reflection of economics, population pressures or simply value systems. Indeed, retirement at 55, 60 can probably be as easily justified. I am also agree that, retirement should given in 55 age because It is better for both the worker and the employer and I shall discuss my points in coming paragraph. Chronological age is not always a true indicator of ability. While some 60 year olds may not perform as well as they did in their past, many workers at this age do just as well or better than they used to. People's suitability for a position should be a reflection of their performance in the job, rather than the number of wrinkles or grey hairs they have. After the age 60, people can feel many health problems such as back pain. Employee who doing job in felid area, cannot perform well or better than they did in past. Moreover, youth bring extra energy and new innovative ideas to turn jobs more productive and less costly. Nowadays population increase day by day, the more young people suffer form not getting jobs after graduation. young people suffer low income by many years, So I think young people should get a chance. Secondly things is old people wants larger amount of money. Older people have lot of experience they can guide their junior but in they can't do physical work. One example such as in steel, chemical industries they wants more young people who are physical fit. older people do more office work because they have experience lot and very useful for company. Some companies gives very good amount of pension after retirement that person can enjoy their life with family member. In conclusion, workers who can still demonstrate their capacity to carry out their work but they can do better or well condition as they did in past, So I think people enjoy their retirement age and get a chance to young people because in over population world more and more people suffer form unemployment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
countries has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Perhaps a reflection of economics, population pressures or
simply
value systems.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at 55, 60 can
probably
be as
easily
justified. I am
also
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
should
Did you mean "have given" or "give"?
given
in 55
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age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for both the worker and the employer and I shall discuss my points in coming paragraph.

Chronological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not always a true indicator of ability. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
It seems that hyphens are missing
60 year olds
may not perform as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they did in their past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
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well
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's suitability for a position should be a reflection of their performance in the
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job
,
rather
than the number of wrinkles or
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
hairs they have. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
60,
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people
can feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems such as back pain. Employee who doing
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job
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
felid
area, cannot perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than they did
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
.
Moreover
, youth bring extra energy and new innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
more productive and less costly.

Nowadays population increase day by day, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer form not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after graduation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
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people
suffer low income by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
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So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
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people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance.
Secondly
things is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
larger amount of money. Older
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people
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
experience they can guide their junior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in they can't do physical work. One example such as in steel, chemical industries they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are physical fit.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
older
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people
do more office work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have experience lot and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You should probably use "give".
gives
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of pension after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
that person can enjoy their life with family member.

In conclusion
, workers who can
still
demonstrate their capacity to carry out their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
condition as they did
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in over population world more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer form unemployment.

IELTS essay Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? Give reasons for your answer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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