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Many museum charges for admission while others are free. Do you think advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many museum charges for admission while others are free. Do you think advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In the recent times, people are visiting a place where the artwork has been preserved. This will lead to an ongoing debate about the money they are taking for the entry of it. However, as per my opinion, this will delivers many irrefutable points which helps in the maintenance and few drawbacks. The essay will discuss both points with arguments in below paragraphs. To begin with, the predominant merit is the money can be utilized in the saving of these monuments. This will be used in the maintenance of the museum, cleaning, salary of the staff members. Moreover, this fund can also be used to provide good service to the customers. Although, this will help to attract many people over the world by advertising latest article work, a person having no interest also visits it due to its increased popularity. For example, Research conducted shows that this type of organization who are collecting money from the visitors will survive for the longer times than those who were serving the society in free. On the other hand, the first demerit is that collecting money to see the artwork will generate issue regarding rights. The people will think that they were not given the freedom. Furthermore, many people were having low family budget. Therefor, they will never visit such places with their children. Even they will reduce their frequency of visits to the museum. For instance, if any, organization having lesser number of visitant than as time passes, it will be shut down. In conclusion, there are many advantages compared to the disadvantages. Many museums which are collecting money for the entry will get the fund to provide good service to the customer. Even they attract people by exploring their work.
In the recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are visiting a place where the artwork has
been preserved
. This will lead to an ongoing debate about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they are taking for the entry of it.
However
, as per my opinion, this will delivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irrefutable points which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the maintenance and few drawbacks. The essay will discuss both points with arguments in below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant merit is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be utilized
in the saving of these monuments. This will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the maintenance of the museum, cleaning, salary of the staff members.
Moreover
, this fund can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
service to the customers. Although, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the world by advertising
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
article work, a person having no interest
also
visits it due to its increased popularity.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that this type of organization who are collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the visitors will survive for the longer times than those who were serving the society in free.

On the other hand
, the
first
demerit is that collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the artwork will generate issue regarding rights. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were having low family budget. Therefor, they will never visit such places with their children. Even they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their frequency of visits to the museum.
For instance
, if any, organization having lesser number of visitant than as time passes, it will
be shut
down.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages compared to the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
museums which are collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the entry will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the fund to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
service to the customer. Even they attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by exploring their work.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many museum charges for admission while others are free. Do you think advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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