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university students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages? v.16

university students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16
In recent times, a large amount of money is spent on local environmental problems with the purpose of improving the environment’s quality. However, some people believe that the authorities should pay more attention to much more urgent issues such as global warming. From my personal point of view, I side with the view that in spite of the needs of money on such indispensable issues, the government should also keep on increasing funding into local problems. On the one hand, threatening issues do need more money and attention from the human beings. Global warming is one of the major cause of numerous natural catastrophes such as surging seas, tsunami, volcanic eruption, etc. . The massive environmental carnage caused by humans behaviours directly leads to severe damages to the “green lungs” of our planet, which increase the amount of carbon dioxide or any types of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. As a result, this could be considered as one of the most urgent problems that humans need to confront in the 21st century, which can cost governments around the world a huge amount of money. On the other hands, local environmental problems are also included in adverse changes of our ecosystem. Wastes, garbages are directly disposed to people’s surroundings without any appropriate treatments due to human daily activities such as eating, showering, . . . Moreover, pollution released from transportation, especially private vehicles also plays an essential part in contaminating the air atmosphere and immensely harmful to the our health. As a consequence, only when our natural ‘s system is protected can humans improve the quality of our environment. In order to make that vital change, the authorities should also spend more money on local issues. In conclusion, despite the urgent needs of solving threatening environmental problems, I believe that we should also continue funding into local issues to gradually make progress in protecting the environment.
In recent times, a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with the purpose of improving the environment’s quality.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the authorities should pay more attention
Did you mean "too"?
to
much more urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as global warming. From my personal point of view, I side with the view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on such indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on increasing funding into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
problems.

On the one hand, threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. Global warming is one of the major cause of numerous natural catastrophes such as surging seas, tsunami, volcanic eruption, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
The massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
carnage caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
directly
leads to severe damages to the “green lungs” of our planet, which increase the amount of carbon dioxide or any types of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
As a result
, this could
be considered
as one of the most urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to confront in the 21st century, which can cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world a huge amount of money.

On the other hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
also
included in adverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of our ecosystem. Wastes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
garbages
are
directly
disposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s surroundings without any appropriate treatments due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
daily activities such as eating, showering
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Moreover
, pollution released from transportation,
especially
private vehicles
also
plays an essential part in contaminating the air atmosphere and
immensely
harmful to
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our health" or "the health"?
the our health
. As a consequence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when our natural ‘s system
is protected
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of our environment. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, the authorities should
also
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
issues.

In conclusion
, despite the urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of solving threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I believe that we should
also
continue funding into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
to
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress in protecting the environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay university students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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