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University should enrol equal number of male and female students

University should enrol equal number of male and female students Yk3jn
The issue of diversity in terms of gender in every subject that university offers is taken a serious issue for a discussion by education reformists. In my opinion, education institutions have to enroll equal percentage of men and women in all subjects. This essay presents two arguments why the academic institutions should have to prioritize gender balance in the offered programs. First of all, ensuring representation of equal number of male and female in every discipline helps to create an unique learning platform in classroom. Students from different social backgrounds can understand and perceive the theories differently. They use their lived experiences in order to analyse the theories which help other colleagues to learn different realities of society. Furthermore, this eventually will help to present critical perspectives on the taken for granted theories. For example, nowadays, many international universities admit international student as they thought diversity in classroom enhance student’s learning performance. Secondly, universities are the pillar of a nation for the development, therefore, they should not discriminate students regardless of gender. Every citizen has right to participate in the development process. If universities do not enroll certain gender people, they will be excluded from getting education and which will ultimately deprive them from participation in development process. The other most important thing is that universities are democratic institution which also should have to follow country’s laws and policies related to gender inclusion. Therefore, they have to give admission to equal number of men and women so all the section of society can participate in development. Therefore, I believe, schools have to have equal number of men and women to ensure diversity and contribute nation development. Moreover, universities are the nation’s important formal institutions who should have to follow inclusive governing rules of the state.
The issue of diversity in terms of gender in every subject that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
offers
is taken
a serious issue for a discussion by education reformists. In my opinion, education institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enroll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in all subjects. This essay presents two arguments why the academic institutions should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prioritize gender balance in the offered programs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, ensuring representation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of male and female in every discipline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
unique learning platform in classroom.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social backgrounds can understand and perceive the theories
differently
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
experiences in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the theories which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other colleagues to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
realities of society.
Furthermore
, this
eventually
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to present critical perspectives on the taken for granted theories.
For example
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
admit international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
diversity in classroom enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
learning performance.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are the pillar of a nation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
therefore
, they should not discriminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
regardless of gender. Every citizen has right to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
process. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do not enroll certain gender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they will
be excluded
from getting education and which will
ultimately
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "deprive them of"?
deprive them from
participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
process. The other most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are democratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
which
also
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow country’s laws and policies related to gender inclusion.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all the section of society can participate in development.

Therefore
, I believe, schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women to ensure diversity and contribute nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are the nation’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
formal institutions who should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow inclusive governing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of the state.
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IELTS essay University should enrol equal number of male and female students

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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