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Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?

Adolescents face several challenges on their path to adulthood and a successful career, and it becomes even more difficult for school-leavers as sorting their ways out in the employment market seem to be the immediate obstacle they encounter. Besides, safety is another concern for many youngsters and this essay shed some light on the topic. Regarding youth unemployment, scepticism harboured by employers over hiring school-leavers seems to be the reason behind their unemployment in many countries, especially in third-world countries where managing a job is tough. Employers usually look for experienced workers who possess practical skills and at least a college degree. Hence, school-leavers with no prior experiences are often placed on the bottom of the shortlist. For instance, due to unemployment, many university graduates apply for simple clerical jobs and that makes the scenario for school-leavers even more baffling. Moreover, limited job prospect is also a huge problem for them. Even the school-leavers are lucky enough to secure a job, they have to work long hours with low wages and they do not have sufficient time and money to pursue higher academic qualifications needed for career progression. Consequently, they are being trapped in lower positions with limited social mobility. Sadly, young people are not only challenged by employment problems in many developing countries. They may consistently live under the threat of political instability, social unrest, outbreaks of disease, natural disasters, drought and famine, sexual and racial discrimination, child marriage, all of which are beyond control and the ability to cope for young people. These risks pose actual threats to the physical safety of youngsters in addition to their livelihoods. The situation may be reflected by the significantly lower life expectancy of people living in developing countries. To conclude, unemployment is one of the major problems for young people, especially for school-leavers. However, the lacks of safety, social unrest, abuse, natural disaster are also serious problems for them in parts of the world.
Adolescents face several challenges on their path to adulthood and a successful career, and it becomes even more difficult for school-leavers as sorting their ways out in the employment market seem to be the immediate obstacle they encounter.
Besides
, safety is another concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters and this essay shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the topic.

Regarding youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
, scepticism harboured by employers over hiring school-leavers seems to be the reason behind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
in third-world countries where managing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is tough. Employers
usually
look for experienced workers who possess practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and at least a college degree.
Hence
, school-leavers with no prior experiences are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
placed on the bottom of the shortlist.
For instance
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university graduates apply for simple clerical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the scenario for school-leavers even more baffling.

Moreover
, limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospect is
also
a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for them. Even the school-leavers are lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work long hours with low wages and they do not have sufficient time and money to pursue higher academic qualifications needed for career progression.
Consequently
, they are
being trapped
in lower positions with limited social mobility.

Sadly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
challenged by employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. They may
consistently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under the threat of political instability, social unrest, outbreaks of disease, natural disasters, drought and famine, sexual and racial discrimination, child marriage, all of which are beyond control and the ability to cope for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
pose actual threats to the physical safety of youngsters
in addition
to their livelihoods. The situation may
be reflected
by the
significantly
lower life expectancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for school-leavers.
However
, the lacks of safety, social unrest, abuse, natural disaster are
also
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for them in parts of the world.

IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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