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Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

When we graduated University. Everyone faces unemployment problem. They usually prepare to internship or experience related to their major before graduate to prevent unemployment. They still couldn’t get a job even though they were willing to make experiences. We should think about this problem. is it only the problem which didn’t live hardly when they were university student. Although Most people tried to built up career before graduate university. However why unemployment rates are getting high. Because the main problems wasn’t solved. As life expectancy is getting high in every generation. The older generation want to work more even though when they are old enough to retire. That’s why the job market is saturation state. So we should consider to solve both of generations. For this reason. The government has to keen on create jobs. helping olderly and supporting young generation. In my country, Korean government encourage to working in abroad. And helped old people get a job after retire. But these solution also have problem. The problem is job quality is not very good. Due to this another problem we have to develop ourself to increase the value in job market. For example learning languages, study more about their major, build strength. In conclusion. We should to try to have high value in jab market then they are not too hard to get a job. So we should take a responsibility jobs and career. and the government should help us to get a job easily.
When we
The verb ‘to graduate’ requires the preposition ‘from’: “graduated from”.
graduated
University. Everyone faces unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. They
usually
prepare to internship or experience related to their major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
unemployment. They
still
couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even though
they were willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
experiences. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
is
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which didn’t
The adverb ‘hardly’ is usually put before the verb ‘live’.
live hardly
when they were university student.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tried to built up career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduate university.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
why unemployment rates are getting high.

“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
wasn’t solved.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
life expectancy is getting high in every generation. The older generation want to work more
even though
when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to retire. That’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is saturation state.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should
The verb ‘consider’ is used with the gerund form: “consider solving”.
consider to solve
both of generations.

For this reason
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
keen on create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
helping
Possible spelling mistake found.
olderly
and supporting young generation. In my country, Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encourage to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “work”.
working
in abroad. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after retire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘solution’. Did you mean “this solution” or “these solutions”?
these solution
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
quality is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Due to this another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
to increase the value in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
For example
learning languages, study more about their major, build strength.

In conclusion
. We should to try to have high value in jab market then they are not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should take a responsibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and career.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
.
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IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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