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Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary time, money has been playing indispensable role each and every aspects of life. Government has allocated money upon the education in lieu of recreation activities. In my perception both are equally important. I partially agree with the given statement. A number of argument discussed in further paragraphs. On the one hand, spending on education has been by the government is very essential for the progress of nation. Educated people have been gating higher paid jobs and it has added the economy of any countries. They can live a comfortable life and beyond the educational knowledge they can achieve all goals. To add to this, educated societies are crime free and can create peaceful atmosphere around the people. Therefore literacy rate is an important factor in any developed country. For example Sundar pichai, had completed MIT – Master in Information and Technology, therefore, now he is C. E. O in google company in the USA also hi is a richest person in India. On the other hand, leisure activities are very crucial for everyone therefore, government should spend upon in. There are myriad to activities: Athletics; Music; Theatres and organizations, these activities give learn by the teachers and parents. Ergo, children develop number of skills such as quick judgment, problem solving in every situation and discipline. It has been been building not only Carrier but also live healthy life. Furthermore, life is stressful and extracurricular activities are as a stress-buster. They break the hectic schedule and meet the people and socialize to each other. It is responsibility of the government to provide stadiums, playgrounds, gyms and community centre where people can do free time activities. To conclude, I reiterate my opinion that apart from the education, government should spend upon the Co-curricular activities. These activities are very significant in holistic development for children as we as any society.
In contemporary time, money has been playing indispensable role each and every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “aspect”?
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has allocated money upon the education in lieu of recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my perception both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. A number of argument discussed in
further
paragraphs.

On the one hand, spending on education has been by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for the progress of nation. Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been gating higher paid
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
the economy of any countries. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and beyond the educational knowledge they can achieve all goals. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this, educated societies are crime free and can create peaceful atmosphere around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
literacy rate is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.
For example
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Sundar pichai
, had completed MIT
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Master in Information and Technology,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is C. E. O in google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the USA
also
hi is
Use “the” with the superlative.
a
richest person in India.

On the other hand
, leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for everyone
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend upon in. There are myriad to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
: Athletics; Music;
Possible spelling mistake. ‘Theatres’ is British English.
Theatres
and organizations, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
give learn by the teachers and parents. Ergo, children develop number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as quick judgment,
This noun or verb “problem-solving” is spelled with a hyphen.
problem solving
in every situation and discipline. It has
Possible typo: you repeated a word
been been
building not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Carrier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is stressful and extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-buster. They break the hectic schedule and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and socialize to each other. It is responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide stadiums, playgrounds, gyms and community
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do free time activities.

To conclude
, I reiterate my opinion that apart from the education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend upon the Co-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant in holistic development for children as we as any society.
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IELTS essay Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent on free time activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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