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Undoubtedly, the Western societies have been noticed that overweight children are rising sharply there are certain reasons and its effects to to this trend.

Undoubtedly, the Western societies have been noticed that overweight children are rising sharply there are certain reasons and its effects to to this trend. JdK6
Undoubtedly, the Western societies have been noticed that overweight children are rising sharply there are certain reasons and its effects to to this trend. Firstly, more preference to junk, oily food than healthy homemade food. The main reason for that is good taste and also it cooks easily. This kind of food like burger, pizza have variety of teasts. Also sometime parents are busy in their work so they order food from restaurant and save their time. Secondly, lake of physical activities. children like to play video games and online games on mobile phones, they do not go outside to play and also they feel lazyness owing which they do not go for running and yoga. After their meal they go to the bed instead of doing exercises. There are a lot of effects on the children's health of overweighting. first, as they donot do any physical activity they have to suffer from many health issues like obesity, heart diseases, high blood pressure and some time these problems become life threatening for children. Nextly, it will also affect the mental growth of children not only mental growth it put badd impact on children's overall development as sometimes some children become depressed as they do not meet with anyone because of their fatty body structure and consequently, they lose their confidence. This problems can be solved by taking some steps as parents should encourage their children to know to eat outside food regularly. Also motivate their children to take part in physical activities. Government ought to impose some taxes on restaurant so they do not eat junk food in their daily life. To conclude it is evident that there are several causes of awaiting among children and variety of negative effects. society must ensure steps are taken to prevent their problems.
Undoubtedly
, the Western societies have
been noticed
that overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are rising
sharply
there are certain reasons and its effects
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
this trend.
Firstly
, more preference to junk, oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than healthy homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The main reason for
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste and
also
it cooks
easily
. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like burger, pizza have variety of
Possible spelling mistake found.
teasts
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
sometime parents are busy in their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from restaurant and save their time.
Secondly
, lake of physical activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
like to play video games and online games on mobile phones, they do not go outside to play and
also
they feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
lazyness
owing which they do not go for running and yoga.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
their meal they go to the bed
instead
of doing exercises. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effects on the children's health of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
, as they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
do any physical activity they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues like obesity, heart diseases, high blood pressure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time these problems become life threatening for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nextly
, it will
also
affect the mental growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mental growth it put
Possible spelling mistake found.
badd
impact on children's
overall
development as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become depressed as they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their fatty body structure and
consequently
, they lose their confidence.
Did you mean "these"?
This
problems can
be solved
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps as parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know to eat outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regularly
.
Also
motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical activities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
ought to impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
taxes on restaurant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their daily life.
To conclude
it is evident that there are several causes of awaiting among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their problems.
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IELTS essay Undoubtedly, the Western societies have been noticed that overweight children are rising sharply there are certain reasons and its effects to to this trend.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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