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Underground Railway System

Underground Railway System e3Rm7
The statistical data given above represents the underground railway systems in six different cities. The underground railway system in London was first build in the year 1863 with a route of distance 394 km, and there were 775 passengers back then, The Paris had its first underground railway system in the year 1900 following 199 km route and with a passengers of 1191 millions. As compared to the London it had more number of passengers around 1900’s, 1927 was the year when Tokyo had its first railway system with 155 km route and 1927 passengers, comparing with other major cities Tokyo stand in the first place to have more number of passengers back in 1900’s, there are other cities having underground railway system after then, the Washington DC had its first railway system in the year 1976 en-routing 126 km route and a passengers list of 144 million. the Kyoto is said to have the shortest distance with least number of passengers compared to other cities with a distance of 11 km, Los Angeles had its first railway system in the year 2001 with a distance of 28 km and 50 million passengers a bit higher compared to Kyoto, but comparing all the major cities Tokyo is the summarized as the largest railway system having passengers more than 1900 million per year.
The statistical data
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given
above represents the
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underground
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railway
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systems
in six
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different
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cities
. The
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underground
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railway
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system
in London was
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first
build in the
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year
1863 with a
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route
of
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distance
394 km, and there were 775
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passengers
back then,

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
Paris had its
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first
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underground
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railway
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system
in the
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year
1900 following 199 km
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route
and with a
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passengers
of 1191 millions. As compared to the London it had more number of
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passengers
around
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1900s".
1900’s
, 1927 was the
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year
when Tokyo had its
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first
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railway
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system
with 155 km
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route
and 1927
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passengers
, comparing with other major
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cities
Tokyo
The singular proper name 'Tokyo' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "stands", "stood".
stand
in the
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first
place to have more number of
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passengers
back
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1900’s".
in 1900’s
, there are other
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cities
having
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underground
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railway
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system
after then, the Washington DC had its
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first
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railway
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system
in the
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year
1976 en-routing 126 km
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route
and a
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passengers
list of 144 million.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Kyoto
is said
to have the shortest
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distance
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of
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passengers
compared to other
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cities
with a
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distance
of 11 km, Los Angeles had its
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first
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railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in the
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year
2001 with a
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distance
of 28 km and 50 million
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passengers
a bit higher compared to Kyoto,
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but
comparing all the major
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cities
Tokyo is the summarized as the largest
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railway
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system
having
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passengers
more than 1900 million per
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year
.
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IELTS essay Underground Railway System

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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