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  Undeniably, technological advancement has rapidly eroded traditional culture we inherited from our ancestors. Traditional games, musical instruments, performances and celebrations are given less and less attention in this era of globalization.

Undeniably, technological advancement has rapidly eroded traditional culture we inherited from our ancestors. Traditional games, musical instruments, performances and celebrations are given less and less attention in this era of globalization. l7W5D
Undeniably, technological advancement has rapidly eroded traditional culture we inherited from our ancestors. Traditional games, musical instruments, performances and celebrations are given less and less attention in this era of globalization. To illustrate, traditional games such as kites and tops have given way to the new, modern and sophisticated video games. Children nowadays are more interested in playing video games rather than traditional games which they deem old-fashioned. Apart from this, traditional musical instruments such as banjos are being replaced by new innovations such as pianos and electric guitars. In addition, the number of traditional performances organized such as the Chinese Opera have also been decimated over the past few decades. This is mainly due to creation of idiot boxes which broadcast a variety of TV shows, making traditional performances pale in comparison with all the comedies and soap operas broadcasted. Indeed, traditional culture is slowly being wiped out by the strong current of technology. However, both of them are not mutually incompatible. In other words, both of them can exist together. Concrete steps can be taken in order to bring these forgotten traditional cultures back into our society. One way of doing this is to educate our younger generation on our traditional cultures. Traditional games can be introduced as a kind of sports in schools. Parents also play a major role in educating their children to appreciate traditions which have been passed down from generation to generation. Traditional performances and the use of traditional musical instruments can be revived through the promotion by the media. In conclusion, the strong current of technological advancement has indeed washed out some of our traditions; nevertheless, both of them are not mutually incompatible. We can preserve our treasured traditions which reflect our origins and roots but at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilization of technology. To illustrate, traditional games such as kites and tops have given way to the new, modern and sophisticated video games. Children nowadays are more interested in playing video games rather than traditional games which they deem old-fashioned. Apart from this, traditional musical instruments such as banjos are being replaced by new innovations such as pianos and electric guitars. In addition, the number of traditional performances organized such as the Chinese Opera have also been decimated over the past few decades. This is mainly due to creation of idiot boxes which broadcast a variety of TV shows, making traditional performances pale in comparison with all the comedies and soap operas broadcasted. Indeed, traditional culture is slowly being wiped out by the strong current of technology. However, both of them are not mutually incompatible. In other words, both of them can exist together. Concrete steps can be taken in order to bring these forgotten traditional cultures back into our society. One way of doing this is to educate our younger generation on our traditional cultures. Traditional games can be introduced as a kind of sports in schools. Parents also play a major role in educating their children to appreciate traditions which have been passed down from generation to generation. Traditional performances and the use of traditional musical instruments can be revived through the promotion by the media. In conclusion, the strong current of technological advancement has indeed washed out some of our traditions; nevertheless, both of them are not mutually incompatible. We can preserve our treasured traditions which reflect our origins and roots but at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilization of technology.
Undeniably
, technological advancement has
rapidly
eroded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
we inherited from our ancestors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
and celebrations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
less and less attention in this era of globalization.

To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as kites and tops have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
way to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
, modern and sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays are more interested in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which they deem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
such as banjos are
being replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovations such as pianos and electric guitars.
In addition
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
organized such as the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Opera
have
also
been decimated
over the past few decades. This is
mainly
due to creation of idiot boxes which broadcast a variety of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
pale
in comparison
with all the comedies and soap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operas
broadcasted.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
slowly
being wiped
out by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
of technology.
However
, both of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mutually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incompatible
.
In other words
, both of them can exist together. Concrete steps can
be taken
in order to bring these forgotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
back into our society. One way of doing this is to educate our younger generation on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be introduced
as a kind of sports in schools. Parents
also
play a major role in educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which have
been passed
down from generation to generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can
be revived
through the promotion by the media.
In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
of technological advancement has
indeed
washed out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
;
nevertheless
, both of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mutually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incompatible
. We can preserve our treasured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which reflect our origins and roots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilization of technology.

To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as kites and tops have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
way to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
, modern and sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays are more interested in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which they deem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
such as banjos are
being replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovations such as pianos and electric guitars.

In addition
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
organized such as the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Opera
have
also
been decimated
over the past few decades. This is
mainly
due to creation of idiot boxes which broadcast a variety of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
pale
in comparison
with all the comedies and soap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operas
broadcasted.

Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
slowly
being wiped
out by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
of technology.
However
, both of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mutually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incompatible
.
In other words
, both of them can exist together. Concrete steps can
be taken
in order to bring these forgotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
back into our society. One way of doing this is to educate our younger generation on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be introduced
as a kind of sports in schools. Parents
also
play a major role in educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which have
been passed
down from generation to generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can
be revived
through the promotion by the media.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
of technological advancement has
indeed
washed out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
;
nevertheless
, both of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mutually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incompatible
. We can preserve our treasured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which reflect our origins and roots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilization of technology.
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IELTS essay Undeniably, technological advancement has rapidly eroded traditional culture we inherited from our ancestors. Traditional games, musical instruments, performances and celebrations are given less and less attention in this era of globalization.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
583 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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