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two types of health views

two types of health views ApwBw
There are two ideas about improving public health. One of them is increasing sports facilities however, others say that other measures are required. This is the thing that needs to be discussed, which view is the best. Firstly, for improving heath using from sports is not a bad idea. In nowadays most of the people does workouts for staying healthy and fit. However, in same time you should take care of your meals. For instance: you need to eat healthy things, eat plenty of fruit and vegetables in same time to drink water and take a lot of fresh air. As a sport we see in news and in social media that doctors and everyone tells that in a day you should walk at least 10000 steps. It is part of sport and it is important in our life. We can remember that our elders always tell us that in past there was no sport as nowadays, we were doing house works and gardening, this was our sport and we were healthier than people that is born newly. Moreover, sport is not enough for improving public health, it is good for staying healthy. Near it you should do many other thing. It can be sunlight, sand, eating less calories and not drinking any fizzy drinks and other thing. In conclusion, everyone now does most things wrong and when they talk about health, they are telling that sport is the best way, you can do it with sport but it is not like that. You should look after yourself and there are many ways for doing it.
There are two
ideas
about improving public health. One of them is increasing
sports
facilities
however
, others say that
other
measures
are required
. This is the thing that needs to
be discussed
, which view is the best.

Firstly
, for improving heath using from
sports
is not a
bad
idea
.
In nowadays
most of the
people
does workouts for staying healthy and fit.
However
, in same time you should take care of your meals.
For instance
: you need to eat healthy things, eat
plenty
of fruit and vegetables in same time to drink water and take
a lot of
fresh air. As a
sport
we
see
in news and in social media that doctors and everyone
tells
that in a day you should walk at least 10000 steps. It is part of
sport
and it is
important
in our life. We can remember that our elders always
tell
us that in past there was no
sport
as nowadays, we were doing
house
works and gardening, this was our
sport and
we were healthier than
people
that
is born
newly
.

Moreover
,
sport
is not
enough
for improving public health, it is
good
for staying healthy. Near it you should do
many
other
thing. It can be sunlight, sand, eating
less calories
and not drinking any fizzy drinks and
other
thing.

In conclusion
, everyone
now
does most things
wrong
and when they talk about health, they are telling that
sport
is the best way, you can do it with
sport
but
it is not like that. You should look after yourself and there are
many
ways for doing it.
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IELTS essay two types of health views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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