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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Twenty years from now, people will have more leisure time (free time) than they do today.

Twenty years from now, people will have more leisure time (free time) than they do today. gDALO
With a glimpse of today's society, people nowadays pay more attention to the topic of relaxing. Therefore, people are discussing this topic recently. On one hand, some people hold the view that twenty years from now, people will have more leisure time than they do today. However, on the other hand, some people claim that the leisure time will decrease as time elapses. As far as I am concerned, the former statement aligns more with my perspectives and three reasons will suffice here to support my points of view. First of all, with the advancement of technology, more and more machines have been invented recently, which means they can help people to work more efficiently. Furthermore, with the assistance of these sophisticated machines, people can spend more time conducting other tasks and they will also have more time to relax. For instance, workers in the textile industry have to work for a long period each day in the past since they have to keep weaving the clothes or other textile products in order to meet the tremendous demands. However, workers nowadays can use several machines to do their previous jobs of weaving so they can reduce the time they spend on working. Hence, it is obvious that the advancement on technology can help people to have more leisure time in the future. In addition, there is no doubt that the connections between people have been closer than they used to be in the past, which means people in the community will bond tighter. Moreover, it is acknowledged that people get more involved with others nowadays since teamwork becomes one of the working patterns. As a result, teamwork enables workers to solve the problems together so that they can solve the problems in a short time. Consequently, people can work more effectively and have more time to spend on leisure activities. Last but not least, some companies have changed their attitude toward the leisure times for their workers. A name of companies focus more on their workers' mental health recently since workers nowadays are overwhelmed by their work more easily than they were before. For the purpose of relieving workers' pressure from work, some companies are prone to encourage their workers to have more leisure time. Besides, some of the companies even will give their workers a long period of time to take a break. In a nutshell, considering all the details mentioned above, I definitely agree with the statement that people will have more leisure time in the future since the technology will help us to cope with a lot of tasks, new working pattern will enhance our efficiency and the change of attitude lets us take a break more frequently.
With a glimpse of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
pay more attention to the topic of relaxing.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are discussing this topic recently. On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that twenty years from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will decrease as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
elapses. As far as I
am concerned
, the former statement aligns more with my perspectives and three reasons will suffice here to support my points of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, with the advancement of technology, more and more machines have
been invented
recently, which means they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
.
Furthermore
, with the assistance of these sophisticated machines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tasks and
they will
also
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the textile industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a long period each day in the past since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
weaving the clothes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
textile products in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the tremendous demands.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
several machines to do their previous jobs of weaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend on working.
Hence
, it is obvious that the advancement on technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the future.

In addition
, there is no doubt that the connections between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been closer than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the community will bond tighter.
Moreover
, it
is acknowledged
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more involved with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
since teamwork becomes one of the working patterns.
As a result
, teamwork enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to solve the problems together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can solve the problems in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their attitude toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. A name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "focuses", "focusses"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'focus' is not always incorrect.)
focus
more on their workers' mental health recently since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
are overwhelmed
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
easily
than they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. For the purpose of relieving workers' pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are prone to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Besides
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
even will give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take a break.

In a nutshell, considering all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
mentioned above, I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the future since the technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tasks, new working pattern will enhance our efficiency and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of attitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
us take a break more
frequently
.
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IELTS essay Twenty years from now, people will have more leisure time (free time) than they do today.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
451 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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