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Travelling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world

Travelling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world NreD2
There are a large number of ways to learn about the people and the world such as traveling, reading or watching the related documents. And some people argue that traveling is more important than reading books for it. I, however, don't agree with this statement because traveling is not practical as reading books does. I'm going to elaborate my point in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, traveling is not suitable for people of all generations. Although the youngsters are exuberant, they don't have enough money for traveling because most of them haven't the ability to support themselves independently in this society with fierce competition let alone traveling. On the contrary, it goes without saying that the old people generally have enough money to afford traveling. However, most of them do not have the energy for it because they are too weak to travel a place far from his hometown. They are vulnerable to the illness or damage caused by different climate or high altitude. As for middle-aged people, all of them have the responsibilities for their old parents and families. They have to struggle for buying the houses or cars, paying tuition of their children, providing living expenses of all of the family members. . . With such a fast-paced lifestyle, most of them may just want to get a rest at home during the holiday rather travel to another place. On the other hand, reading books is accessible to everyone. We have free libraries or bookstores in every city so everyone no matter rich or poor can read books. And for the illiterate or people who are not into reading characters, we also get the documentary or the related video clips which adapted from all kinds of books to understand people and the world. Thanks to this, people who have a busy life pace could also read or watch something during the breaks of class or work, which takes full advantage of pieces of time. Therefore, people whether rich or not or busy or not can read books to learn about the people all world. To put it in a nutshell, we can't say traveling is more important than reading books because it not fit for everyone as reading does.
There are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
ways to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the world such as traveling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
or watching the related documents. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that traveling is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for it. I,
however
, don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traveling is not practical as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
does. I'm going to elaborate my point in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, traveling is not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all generations. Although the youngsters are exuberant, they don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for traveling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them haven't the ability to support themselves
independently
in this society with fierce competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone traveling.
On the contrary
, it goes without saying that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to afford traveling.
However
, most of them do not have the energy for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too weak to travel a place far from his hometown. They are vulnerable to the illness or damage caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
climate or high altitude. As for middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, all of them have the responsibilities for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents and families. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle for buying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or cars, paying tuition of their children, providing living expenses of
Consider using "all the".
all of the
family members.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
With such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced lifestyle, most of them may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a rest at home during the holiday
rather
travel to another place.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is accessible to everyone. We have free libraries or bookstores in every city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone no matter rich or poor can read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. And for the illiterate or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
characters, we
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the documentary or the related video clips which adapted from all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the world. Thanks to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a busy life pace could
also
read or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
something during the breaks of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or work, which takes full advantage of pieces of time.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whether rich or not or busy or not can read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all world.

To put it in a nutshell, we can't say traveling is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not fit for everyone as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
does.
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IELTS essay Travelling is more important than reading books in order to understand the people and the world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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