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Travelling benefits young people. What is your opinion?

Travelling benefits young people. What is your opinion? rK6Eo
Travelling is an important aspect for teenagers who are trying to expand their perspective especially, travelling abroad. It is available to adolescents, regardless of man or woman. Fortunately, there are various facilities to encourage teenagers to travel easily these days such as travelling by planes. It is believed that travelling is beneficial for young people to broaden their horizons in terms of learning new cultures and learning new languages. Travelling abroad provides teenagers with the opportunity to learn new cultures. This is because they can encounter the cultures where they travel. For instance, teenagers who are travelling at the traditional life of the countryside in Korea, they definitely get to know that traditional Koreans dress up in Kimonos. This helps them realize that kimono is a fountain from Korean. Not only helps them get to know the dress but also helps them know the traditional food in their country. Hence, learning new cultures by travelling abroad gives teenagers a chance to learn about different culture. Travelling abroad encourages teenagers to learn new languages. Since they are adventurers abroad, they certainly can meet with dozens of people who speak different languages during their travels. For example, travelling in America, teenagers will gain the Language of English native speaker conversation. This contribute them to extend their English proficiency. Therefore, travelling abroad can expand new languages better. In conclusion, Travelling especially, travelling abroad gives advantages to teenater to adventure in new cultures and new languages to broaden their perspective. Teenagers greatly search for information about the country where they prefer to travel wisely before deciding to travel.
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Travelling
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect for
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teenagers
who are trying to expand their perspective
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. It is available to adolescents, regardless of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman.
Fortunately
, there are various facilities to encourage
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teenagers
to
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travel
easily
these days such as
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travelling
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
. It
is believed
that
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travelling
is beneficial for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to broaden their horizons in terms of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
languages.

Travelling
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abroad
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
with the opportunity to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
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cultures
. This is
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because
they can encounter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
For instance
,
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teenagers
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
at the traditional life of the countryside in Korea, they definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know that traditional Koreans dress up in Kimonos. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them realize that kimono is a fountain from Korean. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
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get
to know the dress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them know the traditional food in their country.
Hence
, learning
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
by
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travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
gives
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teenagers
a chance to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture.

Travelling
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abroad
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Since they are adventurers
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abroad
, they
certainly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with dozens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who speak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
during their
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travels
.
For example
,
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travelling
in America,
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teenagers
will gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
of English native speaker conversation.
The verb 'contribute' is plural. Did you mean: "This contributes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This contribute
them to extend their English proficiency.
Therefore
,
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travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
better.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
gives advantages to
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenater
to adventure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
to broaden their perspective.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
greatly
search for information about the country where they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
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IELTS essay Travelling benefits young people. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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