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Travelling abroad is necessary to gain knowledge while others say watching social media can do ?Pros and cons state

Travelling abroad is necessary to gain knowledge while others say watching social media can do? Pros and cons state xONOg
Some people have propagated that travelling abroad is necessary to attain knowledge about foreign countries while other stand the ground that having access to TV and internet help people to gain information in the same manner. It is definitely arguable if we look at both sides as both have their own benefits. Firstly, if we were to travel abroad the experience we acquire is hands on moreover it makes a memory to be imprinted and learning takes place at a faster pace. The language, people, culture diversity and food we get accustomed to it and we tend to poise our own opinions about the taste and our comfort about the locality in that country. For example: If a student was going to study in a foreign country apart from academic knowledge he or she gets accustomed to the community. Furthermore, gets experience in that country for that period of time which may alter decision to stay further in the country permanently or also leave due to a bad experience. It can be due to discrimination, identity crisis and other underlying factors. Now, if we go to watching TV or other social media platforms to gain know definitely it is more convenient, time saving and accessible at the touch of our finger tips. In particular we gain insight through videos of those who have knowledge based in that country. For that every reason if an individual has good experience would apparently give positive reviews and secondly if not negative. So, all is about perceptions of the human mind as we learn in psychology. For the above mentioned reasons we both have their own benefits. If it is virtual then social media would benefit in gaining knowledge keeping in mind that there will always be another side of the coin. Likewise going to a foreign country the experience can be either. So to conclude, the experience of both matter but should be balanced in taking in the right amount so it is actually factual and research a bit more introspection into the desired county culture and legislation for immigrates too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have propagated that travelling abroad is necessary to attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
while other stand the ground that having access to TV and internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to gain information in the same manner. It is definitely arguable if we look at both sides as both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

Firstly
, if we were to travel abroad the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
we acquire is hands on
moreover
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a memory to
be imprinted
and learning takes place at a faster pace. The language,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, culture diversity and food we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
we tend to poise our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions about the taste and our comfort about the locality in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
: If a student was going to study in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
apart from academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
accustomed to the community.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for that period of time which may alter decision to stay
further
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
permanently
or
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
due to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. It can be due to discrimination, identity crisis and other underlying factors.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, if we go to watching TV or other social media platforms to gain know definitely it is more convenient, time saving and accessible at the touch of our finger tips. In
The comma is probably missing here: "particular, we".
particular we
gain insight through videos of those who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
based in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. For that every reason if an individual has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
would
apparently
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reviews and
secondly
if not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all is about perceptions of the human mind as we learn in psychology.

For the above mentioned reasons we both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits. If it is virtual then social media would benefit in gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
keeping in mind that there will always be another side of the coin.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
going to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can be either.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of both matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should
be balanced
in taking in the right amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is actually factual and research a bit more introspection into the desired county culture and legislation for immigrates too.
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IELTS essay Travelling abroad is necessary to gain knowledge while others say watching social media can do? Pros and cons state

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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