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Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education.

Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education. xPGKy
Nowadays more and more people start to think about what is really important for their future job. Some people think that training for work is more useful than a broad-based education. I partially agree with their position and I will discuss the reasons in this essay. To begin with, most jobs are needed a practice or experience in the sphere of the work that you can not get with education. Furthermore, without work training you will have a lot of problems at work during the first few week, while people with an experience will not have this because they have already done the job before and they know what they need to do and how to do it. Another important thing is that finishing a training course in a specific area gives you opportunities to work for the company whose courses you have finished. Lastly, training course’s diploma has a stronger impact on job enrollment compared to graduation. A good example of this is that many of the richest people who have not received a higher education but due to work experience got a job on which built their career for example Steve Jobs. Despite all of the above, broad-based education is still needed. First of all, training courses always need a base trend of understanding of the material and without it you cannot actually start the course. Secondly, knowing the subjects gives a good impact in your work progress for the reason that you better understand the process of doing work. Finally, a board-based education gives you opportunities for different professions, while training experience is limited to the industry of your course. To conclude, training for work could be more useful than a board-based education in case you actually know who you want to work as and all subjects which are related for your job.
Nowadays more and more
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what is
really
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important
for their future
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job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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training
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more useful than a broad-based
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education
. I
partially
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agree
with their position and I will discuss the reasons in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most
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jobs
are needed
a practice or
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experience
in the sphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that you can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Furthermore
, without
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
you will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems at
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work
during the
first
Possible agreement error. The noun week seems to be countable; consider using: "few weeks".
few week
, while
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people
with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
will not have this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have already done the
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job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
they know what they need to do and how to do it. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that finishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in a specific area gives you opportunities to
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work
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
whose
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courses
you have finished.
Lastly
,
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training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course’s
diploma has a stronger impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
enrollment compared to graduation. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the richest
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people
who have not received a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on which built their career
for example
Steve Jobs.

Despite
Consider using "all the".
all of the
above, broad-based
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education
is
still
needed.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
always need a base trend of understanding of the material and without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
you cannot actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
Secondly
, knowing the subjects gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
progress for the reason that you better understand the process of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Finally
, a board-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
gives you opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is limited
to the industry of your course.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could be more useful than a board-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in case you actually know who you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as and all subjects which
are related
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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