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Traditonal or Modern MUSIC

Traditonal or Modern MUSIC 7POW2
Music is a way to express our emotions either by word, beat or musical instruments. There are varies kinds of music that is created today, from old folk song to modern pop songs, slow beat songs to upbeat songs. Even though the essence of traditional folk music is lost in global music around us. The modern folk songs can still provide us the trance we felt in traditional folk. The pop music or the slow jazz music are quite popular type of music that we can hear on television, radio or even in the clubs, pubs or resturants. EDM or Electronic Dance Music are perfect for upbeat music lover. There are many reason of why music is important for us or why we need music. For instance, in the modern era music therapy is the best way to release stress. A particular kind of music can help you with better concentration on your work. In my opinion, traditional music of a country is much more significant than the international music we vibe with today. Our countries traditional music and songs are the core of our believes and principles. But they also distinguish us form the rest of the world. Although in the modern world of upbeat music, the lost traditional music is difficult to find we should still try to look out for it as it helps us to know about our true culture and values. Moreover, music keeps us alive and can even help us to share our emotion and feeling when our words can’t.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a way to express our emotions either by word, beat or musical instruments. There are varies kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
is created
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
folk song to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
pop songs, slow beat songs to upbeat songs.
“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is lost
in global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
around us. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
folk songs can
still
provide us the trance we felt in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
folk.

The pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or the slow jazz
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are quite popular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that we can hear on television, radio or even in the clubs, pubs or
Possible spelling mistake found.
resturants
. EDM or Electronic Dance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
are perfect for upbeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lover.

There are
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "many reasons".
many reason
of why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us or why we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
therapy is the best way to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. A particular kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you with better concentration on your work.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a country is much more significant than the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we vibe with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Our countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and songs are the core of our
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
and principles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
also
distinguish us form the rest of the world.

Although in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world of upbeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is difficult to find we should
still
try to look out for it as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to know about our true culture and values.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us alive and can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to share our emotion and feeling when our words can’t.
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IELTS essay Traditonal or Modern MUSIC

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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