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Traditional culture yes or no

Traditional culture yes or no aVQYd
It is believed by some people of this generation don't like to keep the traditional culture of their country or area. Another belief is that preserving a traditional way of life is crucial. I think both points of view could be true depending on the circumstances. Regarding maintaining a traditional way of life, we should consider that science has advanced a lot over the years and our knowledge has increased so we know that a handful of our traditions are wrong and we shouldn't keep doing them, like using herbal medicines to cure illnesses. But at the same time, we have traditions that are so beautiful and interesting as well, such as holidays we have inherited from our ancestors such as Christmas. I believe that when we are aligned with anything in life, we should use the power of our brains and reckon and find out if it's appropriate to do so or not.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of this generation don't like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the traditional culture of their country or area. Another belief is that preserving a traditional way of life is crucial. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both points of view could be true depending on the circumstances. Regarding maintaining a traditional way of life, we should consider that science has advanced a lot over the years and our knowledge has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we know that a handful of our traditions are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wrong and
we shouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing them, like using herbal medicines to cure illnesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same time, we have traditions that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and interesting
as well
, such as holidays we have inherited from our ancestors such as Christmas. I believe that when we
are aligned
with anything in life, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the power of our brains and reckon and find out if it's appropriate to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
or not.

IELTS essay Traditional culture yes or no

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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