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traditional and modern medicine

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In these days, even though there are numbers of modern medicine in the pharmacy, the society still has a deep-rooted belief in traditional medicine and relies strongly on it. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this statement. The society should always find the right choice when making decision especially when it involve health and lives. Modern medicine was more clinical-proved, have less side effects and more hygienic compared to traditional medicine. The domain reason why modern medicine is way better then traditional medicine is because of its effectiveness were proved by medical science. Nowdays, many disease such as cancer, stroke and influenza require hospital treatment rather than traditional treatment. The treatment that given in the hospital were not a guarantee the disease will be cured, but it gives the person who suffer the disease way more better chance to live, rather than treated traditionally. This is because many scientist have been doing research detail about how to cured human disease by technology while traditional medicine were used by someone experience only. As I said, using modern medicine are more effective then traditional medicine. Secondly, some traditional medicine have a big side effects. While it cure one disease, another disease come. As example, herbal medicine may can cure cold and cough, but in the other hand, it also can cause kidney failure and liver damage. In that case, despite taking the risks from traditional medicine, modern medicine were more highly recommended as it can cure the same disease but have less side effects. Lastly, hygiene is the most important when we want to give treatment to human being. The methods and the tools that used in traditional treatment were mostly not hygiene. For example Chinese acupuncture needle were not properly washed before and after the treatment were done. On the other hand, every hospital and clinic will sterile the equipment before and after the treatment. Plus, the doctors and medics were also be prepared with special attire. This will also be the proof that modern treatment were not just to cure, but also to prevent the patient to be more critical to handle. In a nutshell, I strongly stand on my statement that the society should open their mind to accept modern medicine as they were proved by scientist with its effectiveness and less side effects, also they were more hygiene compare to traditional medicine.
In these days,
even though
there are numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
in the pharmacy, the society
still
has a deep-rooted belief in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and relies
strongly
on it. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree with this statement. The society should always find the right choice when making decision
especially
when it
Did you mean "involves"?
involve
health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
was more clinical-proved, have less side effects and more hygienic compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicine.

The domain reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is way
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its effectiveness
were proved
by medical science.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
such as cancer, stroke and influenza require hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the hospital were not a guarantee the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
will
be cured
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it gives the person who suffer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
way
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
rather
than treated
traditionally
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible agreement error. The noun scientist seems to be countable; consider using: "many scientists".
many scientist
have been doing research detail about how to cured human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
by technology while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "experiences", "experienced".
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. As I said, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
are more effective
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicine.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
side effects. While it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cure
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. As example, herbal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
may can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and cough,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the other hand, it
also
can cause kidney failure and liver damage.
In that case
, despite taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
were more
highly
recommended as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cure
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have less side effects.

Lastly
, hygiene is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when we want to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
to human being. The methods and the tools that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
were
mostly
not hygiene.
For example
Chinese acupuncture needle were not
properly
washed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
were done
.
On the other hand
, every hospital and clinic will sterile the equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. Plus, the doctors and medics were
also
be prepared
with special attire. This will
also
be the proof that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cure
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the patient to be more critical to handle.

In a nutshell, I
strongly
stand on my statement that the society should open their mind to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
as they
were proved
by scientist with its effectiveness and less side effects,
also
they were more hygiene compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
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IELTS essay traditional and modern medicine

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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