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TPO-30 - Integrated Writing Task A little over 2,200 years ago, the Roman navy attacked the Greek port city of Syracuse. According to some ancient historians, the Greeks defended themselves with an ingenious weapon called a "burning mirror": a polished co

TPO-30 - Integrated Writing Task A little over 2, 200 years ago, the Roman navy attacked the Greek port city of Syracuse. According to some ancient historians, the Greeks defended themselves with an ingenious weapon called a " burning mirror" : a polished co E3qjr
The reading and lecture both discuss the burning mirror. The reading says that Greek not used the it, the lecture refutes this idea. First of all, reading suggests that Greek did not have such kind of technology during those days, plus the diameter of parabolic copper must big enough to burn the ship, there were no evidence that they had large copper sheet. However, the lecture counter this view by stating that they might have used the multiple copper sheet rather that single one to make huge burning mirror. Further, during those period there were great mathematician, they might made possible with their knowledge and skill. Secondly, reading argues that in order to burn wood from 30 metre distance, it needs at least 10 minutes to burn, if it is still. But, the professor reputes this view by saying that Roman actually they used the material called pitch-that easily flammable even the ship is moving. plus, it does not require 10 minutes, immediately it causes fire. So, the Greek might used to defend themselves in the war. Even, the ship moves also they burn the ship because of that material. Thirdly, the passage states that when there were flaming arrow available what is the need of burning mirror and they were very skilled in using flaming arrow. Again, the speaker opposes this statement by explaining that- even the enemy- also so talented in the same warfare. So, they roman can easily anticipate the issues. By using, burning mirror, they can make surprise attack on enemy and they encounter this problems when it is happening magically without perception. To sum up, the reading argues that Greek did not use the it because of lack of technology, feasibility and they were trained in using the flaming arrows. But, the speaker refutes all these points with strong evidences.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and lecture both discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burning
mirror. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Greek
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
, the lecture refutes this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Greek
did not have such kind of technology during those days, plus the diameter of parabolic copper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
, there were no evidence that they had large copper sheet.
However
, the lecture counter this view by stating that they might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the multiple copper sheet
rather
that single one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burning
mirror.
Further
, during those period there were great mathematician, they might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
made
possible with their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
argues that in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burn
wood from 30
Possible spelling mistake. 'metre' is British English.
metre
distance, it needs at least 10 minutes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burn
, if it is
still
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the professor reputes this view by saying that Roman actually they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the material called pitch-that
easily
flammable even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
is moving.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
plus
, it does not require 10 minutes, immediately it causes fire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Greek
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to defend themselves in the war. Even, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that material.

Thirdly
, the passage states that when there were flaming arrow available what is the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burning
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mirror and
they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
skilled in using flaming arrow. Again, the speaker opposes this statement by explaining that- even the enemy-
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
talented in the same warfare.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they roman can
easily
anticipate the issues. By using,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burning
mirror, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
surprise attack on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enemy and
they encounter
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems when it is happening
magically
without perception.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Greek
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of technology,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
feasibility and
they
were trained
in using the flaming arrows.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the speaker refutes all these points with strong evidences.
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IELTS essay TPO-30 - Integrated Writing Task A little over 2, 200 years ago, the Roman navy attacked the Greek port city of Syracuse. According to some ancient historians, the Greeks defended themselves with an ingenious weapon called a " burning mirror" : a polished co

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • TPO-30 - Integrated Writing Task A little over 2,200 years ago, the Roman navy attacked the Greek port city of Syracuse. According to some ancient historians, the Greeks defended themselves with an ingenious weapon called a "burning mirror": a polished co