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TPO 29 agree or not to improve the quality of education universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors v.1

TPO 29 agree or not to improve the quality of education universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors v. 1
Over the last decade, consumption of fast foods or processed foods has been increased significantly. While some believe that educating individuals can help solve the problem, others argue that this is otherwise. This essay will discuss both the views and will support the former idea. On the one hand, instructing people on the right path to consume healthy food is vital. The government should make advertisements explaining the negative effects because of percentage of additives, fats and sugars present in junk food, and provide information regarding the consumption of a healthy diet. For instance, 2018 survey results conducted by the Japan Health Foundation showed that 30 percent of people reduced the intake of unhealthy food because of the campaign and advertisements conducted by government. This encourages others to follow the same steps, that is, towards a healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, some pupils say that positive outcomes wouldn’t be produced with the necessary education. Mostly, pupils are unable to leave the habit of eating unhealthy food because it tastes better than home food. For this reason, even though necessary steps implemented, desired outcomes cannot be seen. For example, while Maggi noodles is banned recently, 80 out of 100 people in India when interviewed have no issue eating it in the future. Even if the desired outcomes are unfavourable, I believe striving hard for a change might bring positive impact in the long term. To conclude, although two different views concerning junk food are discussed, I would argue that instructing through advertisements and other helpful campaigns would lead to promising results in the distant future.
Over the last decade, consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
or processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has
been increased
significantly
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that educating individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve the problem, others argue that this is
otherwise
. This essay will discuss both the views and will support the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, instructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the right path to consume healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is vital. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advertisements explaining the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of percentage of additives, fats and sugars present in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and provide information regarding the consumption of a healthy diet.
For instance
, 2018 survey results conducted by the Japan Health Foundation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 30 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the intake of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the campaign and advertisements conducted by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This encourages others to follow the same steps,
that is
, towards a healthy lifestyle.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes wouldn’t
be produced
with the necessary education.
Mostly
, pupils are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the habit of eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it tastes better than home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For this reason
,
even though
necessary steps implemented, desired outcomes cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
For example
, while
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maggi
noodles
is banned
recently, 80 out of 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in India when interviewed have no issue eating it in the future. Even if the desired outcomes are
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
, I believe striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
might bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in the long term.

To conclude
, although two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views concerning junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are discussed
, I would argue that instructing through advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
helpful campaigns would lead to promising results in the distant future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 29 agree or not to improve the quality of education universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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