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TPO 28 q2Todays, parent involve in their children’s education in comparison to the past parents.

TPO 28 q2Todays, parent involve in their children’s education in comparison to the past parents. lj1YJ
Children take most attention of their parents in the recent families. Nowadays it is commonly accepted that the parents spend more time and money on increase the quality of their children education. Contrary to this believe there are still those who argue that the education of children take the time of recent parents as equal as the past parents. However, I, to a great extent, agree with this idea that the education of children is a main issue of new families and take more attention of parents than the past. The first aspect to point out is that the parents did not have enough time to involve in this issue in the past. Todays, the people should not work in the farms as the past and they do many works by machines such as doing the dishes, making food, washing the clothes. They can go easily from a city to another by using car, and many other facilities which are provided by using machines, lead to save more time. Therefore, the recent parents have more free time to focus on the children. In the past the people had many works to do, so they could not help their children in schools assignments even though if they want. Another significant point which should be taken in to consideration is that the education had less important in the past. In the past, it was better for children to go in farm and learn about agriculture, since the main jobs were related to farming and domesticated animals. However, in the modern cities there are a vast areas of expertise which can be selected by the children as a job in the future. Therefore, they need to have a strong educational background in order to find better job in the future. The parent clearly are aware about the importance of higher education in the life of their children as a result provide facilities, money and any other element which is required to increase the quality of education for children. Finally yet importantly, there are less number of children in the modern families. In the past each parents had four five children, so they required to work hard to provide initial needs of children and they did not have energy and time to think about the education. However, now parents have only one or two child which result in spending more time for each child. Cleary, the education become an important factor after satisfying initial needs. On the basis of the points which are mentioned above, I am convinced that the education of children receive a great percentage of support from parents todays rather than past. The more free time, more importance of education in the modern societies and less number of children can be introduced as the main reason which result in this change in the behavior of parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
take most attention of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the recent families. Nowadays it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on increase the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Contrary to this
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
there are
still
those who argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as equal as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, I, to a great extent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a main issue of new families and take more attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than the past.

The
first
aspect to point out is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to involve in this issue in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the farms as the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works by machines such as doing the dishes, making food, washing the clothes. They can go
easily
from a city to another by using car, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other facilities which
are provided
by using machines, lead to save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in schools assignments
even though
if they want.

Another significant point which should
be taken
in to consideration is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
had less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, it was better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go in farm and learn about agriculture, since the main jobs
were related
to farming and domesticated animals.
However
, in the modern cities there are a vast
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "area"?
areas
of expertise which can
be selected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a job in the future.
Therefore
, they need to have a strong educational background in order to find better job in the future. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
clearly
are aware about the importance of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the life of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a result
provide facilities, money and any other element which
is required
to increase the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for children.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
yet
importantly
, there are less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the modern families. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
had four five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they required to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to provide initial needs of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they did not have energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'child' seems to be countable, so consider using: "children".
child
which result in spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each child.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cleary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor after satisfying initial needs.

On the basis of the points which
are mentioned
above, I
am convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive a great percentage of support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. The more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, more importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the modern societies and less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be introduced
as the main reason which result in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.

IELTS essay TPO 28 q2Todays, parent involve in their children’s education in comparison to the past parents.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
475 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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