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TPO 28 independent agree or not parents today are more involved in their kids education than were parents in the past

TPO 28 independent agree or not parents today are more involved in their kids education than were parents in the past MMwXp
Success of offspring is the most significant and final wish and redemption of every parents since they always want the best for their children. In this context, there are mutually exclusive ideas regarding whether nowadays, parents help their kids more in comparison with the past. From my point of view, I concur with this notion that they involve in their kids education more right now although the other opinion has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this debating bone of contention is twofold. In the followoing, the rationale behind it will be elaborated by the most outstanding, solid proofs. The first and foremost reason which is worth mentioning is that they help them with their assignments and homework which definitely spoil them drastically. Moreover, they force their teachers (even threaten them) to make them improve in their schools. Nonetheless, in the past, there was a completely different scenario that parents, especially in my country, Iran, used to punish their own kids beacuse of their lack of improvement in their studies. To put it into a more vivid picture, my cousin, Ali, is a high school student who is used to running away from school and playing videogames instead of reading his textbooks. His father, Farhad, is supportive and always fights with his principle, Mr Ahmadi. Regardless of forcing his own kid to study harder, Farhad once had a fist fight with him, simply because Ali could not pass his Arabic final exam. So long as parents support their kids in all dimensions, the kids will not be able to become independent and successful. The second and equally far-reaching explanation to bear in mind is that today's parents tend to spend a lot of money for the development of their childeren which was not a trend in the past, i. e. in my generation. In the past, we could not even dare to ask for a simple pencil eraser; in contrast, the students of this generation (known as Gen-Z) spend a preponderance amount of money on supplement books and fancy stationary stuff. Additionally, their parents spend as much as they can for supplement classes for the big entrance exam in Iran, Konkoor. Comparing with the past, we only had our school books to read for Konkoor, albeit enthusiastically, but students nowadays have at least 3 additional books and booklets for each major without which they cannot even pass their own school quizzes. This amount of support comes from the budget of their parents who beileve their kids are the future Einsteins. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned rationalizations into account, I think parents are helping their kids more in comparison with the past in spite of the fact that there are some exceptions which can be excluded from the general rule. To recapitulate my beliefs, parents not only support their kids and force their teachers (even fight with them) in order to improve them in school but also are used to spending scores of money on luxury stationary products as well as extra classes and books for helping their kids in Konkoor. Providing that this notion continues, it will have negatively affected students by the time they become adults because of being spoiled.
Success of offspring is the most significant and final wish and redemption of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
since they always want the best for their children. In this context, there are
mutually
exclusive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
regarding whether nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
more
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. From my point of view, I concur with this notion that they involve in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
education more right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
although the other opinion has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this debating bone of contention is twofold. In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
followoing
, the rationale behind it will
be elaborated
by the most outstanding, solid proofs.

The
first
and foremost reason which is worth mentioning is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their assignments and homework which definitely spoil them
drastically
.
Moreover
, they force their teachers (even threaten them) to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Nonetheless, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, there was a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenario that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
in my country, Iran,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to punish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
of their lack of improvement in their studies. To put it into a more vivid picture, my cousin, Ali, is a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to running away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
instead
of reading his textbooks. His father,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farhad
, is supportive and always fights with his principle, Mr Ahmadi. Regardless of forcing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to study harder,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farhad
once had a fist fight with him,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Ali could not pass his Arabic final exam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in all dimensions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will not be able to become independent and successful.

The second and
equally
far-reaching explanation to bear in mind is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the development of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
which was not a trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
in my generation. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, we could not even dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
a simple pencil eraser;
in contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of this generation (known as Gen-Z) spend a preponderance amount of money on supplement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and fancy stationary stuff.
Additionally
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend as much as they can for supplement classes for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
entrance exam in Iran,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Konkoor
. Comparing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to read for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Konkoor
, albeit
enthusiastically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays have at least 3 additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and booklets for each major without which they cannot even pass their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
quizzes. This amount of support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the budget of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
beileve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are the future Einsteins.

In conclusion
, taking all the aforementioned rationalizations into account, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
more
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which can
be excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. To recapitulate my beliefs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and force their teachers (even fight with them) in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spending scores of money on luxury stationary products
as well
as extra classes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Konkoor
. Providing that this notion continues, it will have
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by the time they become adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
being spoiled
.
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IELTS essay TPO 28 independent agree or not parents today are more involved in their kids education than were parents in the past

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
533 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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