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TPO 26 Agree Disagree It s better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents jobs v.1

TPO 26 Agree Disagree It s better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents jobs v. 1
The education of children involves not only imparting knowledge, but also becoming good citizens. As is known, schools play the main role in improving children's academic performance. It is who takes responsibility of moral teaching that gives rise to many controversies. As far as I'm concerned, both parents and schools are indispensable in this issue. First of all, parents are children's first teachers. Before entering schools, children spend most of their time with their parents. Their verbal and physical interaction with parents shape their personalities all the time, because parents are their role models which they tend to imitate. This is especially effective for children at such a young age when their characteristics are formed. For example, if they see family members treat each other with respect and politeness, they are more likely to carry on this behaviour even outside the family. Because they would be instilled with the idea that showing respect and politeness to others is the right thing to do. In addition to pre-school parenting, schools tend to play an equally crucial role in cultivating children's morality. Schools are like a microcosm of society where children get to interact with people outside their family and learn how to be good members. Sometimes, it is easy to behave well in front of parents, but when it comes to non-related people, one may not behave the same way. Also, apart from intellectual education, teachers should educate children on morality, such as obeying rules and orders. Because the aim of school learning lies in not only helping students get good grades, but also preparing them to be qualified society members. In conclusion, teaching children to be good members of society requires complementary roles of parents and school.
The education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
involves not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
imparting knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens. As
is known
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in improving children's academic performance. It is who takes responsibility of moral teaching that gives rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversies. As far as I'm concerned, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are indispensable in this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are children's
first
teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Their verbal and physical interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
shape their personalities all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models which they tend to imitate. This is
especially
effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at such a young age when their characteristics
are formed
.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
family members treat each other with respect and politeness, they are more likely to carry on this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
even outside the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they would
be instilled
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that showing respect and politeness to others is the right thing to do.

In addition
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
parenting,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
tend to play an
equally
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in cultivating children's morality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are like a microcosm of society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
outside their family and learn how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is easy to behave well in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to non-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, one may not behave the same way.
Also
, apart from intellectual education, teachers should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on morality, such as obeying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and orders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
learning lies in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
preparing them to
be qualified
society members.

In conclusion
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of society requires complementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 26 Agree Disagree It s better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents jobs v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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