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Tpo 23 q3The man expresses his opinion about the upcoming change. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

Tpo 23 q3The man expresses his opinion about the upcoming change. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Nowadays the world with the advancement in technology and automation has made a significant impact on the labour force. Some people think there should be a reduction in working hours. I agree with the suggestion of cutback and give some supportive ideas below. Some employers consider that workers should spend the same amount of time as it was several decades ago without technology and employees were required to do the hard work. It is worth to mention, technological advancements and computerisation greatly enhance productivity of people. As a result, the staff can produce more efficiently than now. For instance, ATM machines provide 24 hour service without any error, and bring convenience to people. Or another example is an e-mail service. As it is extremely fast, it can increase efficiency, productivity, and business readiness. Technology was created in order to ease people's lives, using such kind of services gives the more spare time for family gathering, relax and self interest pursuing. Furthermore, working less provides employees with the opportunity to obtain a higher degree in their field. For example, they can read more books or attend online courses to develop skills and knowledge. Similarly, redundant time will have a significant effect on the health of the human. Workers will have better social, mental and physical health. Hence, shortening the working hours seems quite logical to me. However, there is another side of the coin. Less working hours mean less salary. As a result, employees will start to leave the jobs which can arise problems like unemployment. Thus, it will have a negative impact on a person's life as well. To conclude, considering everything, I think that the working hours of workers should be shortened, as it would motivate staff and give a chance to do their best and produce more output and perform more efficiently.
Nowadays the world with the advancement in technology and automation has made a significant impact on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the suggestion of cutback and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supportive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
below.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
employers consider that workers should spend the same amount of time as it was several decades ago without technology and employees
were required
to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. It is worth to mention, technological advancements and
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerisation' is British English.
computerisation
greatly
enhance productivity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, the staff can produce more
efficiently
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
,
This phrase is redundant ('M' stands for 'machine'). Use simply "ATMs".
ATM machines
provide 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
service without any error, and bring convenience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Or another example is an e-mail service. As it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, it can increase efficiency, productivity, and business readiness.

Technology
was created
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, using such kind of services gives the more spare time for family gathering, relax and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self interest
pursuing.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
less provides employees with the opportunity to obtain a higher degree in their field.
For example
, they can read more books or attend online courses to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.

Similarly
, redundant time will have a significant effect on the health of the human. Workers will have better social, mental and physical health.
Hence
, shortening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
seems quite logical to me.

However
, there is another side of the coin. Less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mean less salary.
As a result
, employees will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the jobs which can arise problems like unemployment.
Thus
, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a person's life
as well
.

To conclude
, considering everything, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of workers should
be shortened
, as it would motivate staff and give a chance to do their best and produce more output and perform more
efficiently
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 23 q3The man expresses his opinion about the upcoming change. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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