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Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.13

Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 13
Traveller industry is in great demand in many countries. Although tourism helps the authority to earn a huge amount of money every year, but everyone should be aware about its disadvantages. I agree with the statement to some extent. On the one hand, tourism has a plethora of benefits to countries, travellers and locals. First and the foremost, all the tourists love to explore different countries for their culture and history. Therefore, they travel a lot to various sightseer places. In addition, it spreads the culture, like clothing, food and music of one location to another. Hence, more people are encouraged to visit such places and it could lead to a handsome revenue. Also, more earnings mean development and these funds are used to maintain the visitor attractions and also to build more places. Lastly, with this expanding industry, there are a large number of job opportunities for locals. Meanwhile, this employment results in overall development of all the countries. On the other hand, several drawbacks of tourism should not be ignored. Similarly, the first disadvantage is that it has a deleterious effect on the environment. As people through waste materials in their surroundings and due to lack of waste management, it spreads and cause soil pollution. Moreover, the establishment of new visitor places causes deforestation, which means felling of trees in forests. One of the crucial drawback is spreading of disease due to transmit of viruses. As visitors act like hotspots of some deadly diseases. For example, recently Coronavirus hit all over the world with its deadly effect and its mortality rate was too high. To conclude, in spite of disadvantages the traveller industry has many benefits that progressed the economy of countries, but the government should act to reduce the harmful effects of it in order to serve the humanity.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Traveller
industry is in great demand in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the authority to earn a huge amount of money every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone should be aware about its disadvantages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

On the one hand, tourism has a plethora of benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and locals.
First
and the foremost, all the tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their culture and history.
Therefore
, they travel a lot to various sightseer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
In addition
, it spreads the culture, like clothing, food and music of one location to another.
Hence
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraged
to visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and it could lead to a handsome revenue.
Also
, more earnings mean development and these funds are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to maintain the visitor attractions and
also
to build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Lastly
, with this expanding industry, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
job opportunities for locals. Meanwhile, this employment results in
overall
development of all the countries.

On the other hand
, several drawbacks of tourism should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Similarly
, the
first
disadvantage is that it has a deleterious effect on the environment. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
through waste materials in their surroundings and due to lack of waste management, it spreads and cause soil pollution.
Moreover
, the establishment of new visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
causes deforestation, which means felling of trees in forests. One of the crucial drawback is spreading of disease due to transmit of viruses.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
visitors act like hotspots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deadly diseases.
For example
, recently Coronavirus hit all over the world with its deadly effect and its mortality rate was too high.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
disadvantages the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
industry has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that progressed the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should act to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harmful effects of it in order to serve the humanity.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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