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Tourism can bring jobs and money to struggling economies. However, some people argue that tourism should not be promoted in natural environments because of the harm that it does. Discuss your opinion and support your point of view with reasons or examples from your experience or observation.

Tourism can bring jobs and money to struggling economies. However, some people argue that tourism should not be promoted in natural environments because of the harm that it does. Discuss your opinion and support your point of view with reasons or examples from your experience or observation. xO6Yw
Touristic places consider an essential national income to many countries as they support the economy and offer a lot of jobs opportunities. Many environmentalisms argue the dire impact of tourism at natural sites, while economists believe that tourism is better for both individual and national benefit. This essay will elaborate the reasons behind each view, and why I support the latter one. At outmost, there are numerous reasons why tourism at natural sites should be regulated but the most conspicuous one stems from the importance of the environmental places, and tourists misuse to it. For example, many African rhinos are going to extinct because of the illegal hunting of them, to sell their parts in the Middle East and Asia. Therefore, environment conservatives and whistleblowers have raised a flag to stop such act and they helped many African countries, such as Kenya, to stop such a breech and to save the rhino from extinction. On the other hand, many economist rather thought that to sell a permit to hunt a rhino will be rather beneficial; it will stop the unlawful hunting and it will bring an income, that could be used to protect and preserve rhinos national habitat. For instance, South Africa, has promoted for legally hunting number of rhinos every year, to use the income to help improving rhinos’ national habitat and to support ranchers financially to protect them. Subsequently, number of rhinos which were going to be extinct has bounced back, national parks have been well kept, and many jobs have been created, that is in contrast to the Kenyan government approach which hasn’t led to save lots of rhinos and people who used to work for national parks have converted the land to agricultural land. To sum up, tourism at natural environments needs to be regulated well to bring national benefit as well as individual one. Although keeping the natural places out of reach of tourists brings good to the environment, the wise use of natural balance of the environment could bring up better benefits.
Touristic places consider an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
income to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries as they support the economy and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
jobs opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
environmentalisms
argue the dire impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
sites, while economists believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is better for both individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
benefit. This essay will elaborate the reasons behind each view, and why I support the latter one.

At
Possible spelling mistake found.
outmost
, there are numerous reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
sites should
be regulated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most conspicuous one stems from the importance of the environmental places, and tourists misuse to it.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African rhinos are going to extinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the illegal hunting of them, to sell their parts in the Middle East and Asia.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
conservatives and whistleblowers have raised a flag to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
act and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African countries, such as Kenya, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such a breech and to save the rhino from extinction.

On the other hand
,
Possible agreement error. The noun economist seems to be countable; consider using: "many economists".
many economist
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that to sell a permit to hunt a rhino will be
rather
beneficial; it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the unlawful hunting and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
an income, that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to protect and preserve rhinos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
habitat.
For instance
, South Africa, has promoted for
legally
hunting number of rhinos every year, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the income to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
rhinos’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
habitat and to support ranchers
financially
to protect them.
Subsequently
, number of rhinos which were going to be extinct has bounced back,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
parks have been well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs have
been created
,
that is
in contrast
to the Kenyan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
approach which hasn’t led to save lots of rhinos and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
parks have converted the land to agricultural land.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
needs to
be regulated
well to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
benefit
as well
as individual one. Although keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
places out of reach of tourists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, the wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
balance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
up better benefits.

IELTS essay Tourism can bring jobs and money to struggling economies. However, some people argue that tourism should not be promoted in natural environments because of the harm that it does. Discuss your opinion and support your point of view with reasons or examples from your experience or observation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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